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654 蝶 Butterfly Shadow Returns to Dust: I Was Sold into Prostitution by My Mother-In-Law, and My Ex-Husband Has Been Looking for Me for Ten Years Ah55k WordsCompleted 208Reads8.7Score—Shelves

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The ceiling of sadomasochism in the Republic of China Xiao Qihao's perspective｜"Die'er, I love you, not because you are my brother's woman" In the sadomasochism of the Republic of China, "Butterfly Shadow Returns to Dust", everyone remembers Zhang Zhiming's ten-year search and Yang Yanchen's life-saving protection. But few people are willing to stop and take a look at the illegitimate son who was nailed to the "evil man" pillar - Xiao Qihao. Today, I want to take you to read this story again through his eyes. ---I am the illegitimate son of the Zhang family. He took his mother's surname, had no status, lived under the shelter of others, and received all the cold looks. My older brother, Zhang Zhiming, is the direct descendant of the Zhang family and the heir to the business. Everyone praises him as a kind-hearted and polite gentleman. Why? Why is it that he has everything when he is born, but I am not even qualified to call my father "Dad"? This unwillingness has haunted me like a poisonous snake for twenty years. Until I met her. That day I went to Zhang Mansion to discuss business. Mother Zhang is snobbish, I am just here to give money. During the greetings in the main hall, she walked in with tea. Lin Die'er. The daughter of a famous family my brother married. She's so pretty. The stubbornness between his eyebrows was like a bird unwilling to be trapped in a cage. She made sarcastic remarks to my brother, with thorns in her eyes. She was not at all as docile and flattering as other women. I knew that moment - I wanted her. Not because my brother owns her. It's because she is who she is. The inexhaustible fire in her eyes is something I have never seen in anyone else in my life. I'm jealous of my brother, jealous of his status, family business, and her. But I'm even more jealous - he can stay by her side openly even when she doesn't love him. As for me, I had to pretend not to care even when I looked at her. --- I started to stay in Zhang's house for a few more days, using the excuse of discussing business to get to know every inch of her daily routine. When to go to the rouge shop in the morning, when to return to the house at dusk, and when to sit alone by the pond at night in a daze. She doesn't know. She never knew. Her heart was filled with hatred for my brother, and she couldn't see a pair of eyes in the dark, which were about to stare holes into her back. Then I got her. Disgraceful means. Zhang's mother was greedy for money, and the Zhang family was in ruins, so I took advantage of it. I fought against my brother in business, but this fight was the prize I really wanted - I imprisoned her in another courtyard and guarded her day and night. I wanted her to be my woman. She hates me. She bit her lip and refused to let me touch it. But later she behaved. She no longer resisted and would even curl up in my arms and fall asleep at night. I thought she had finally resigned herself to her fate. Until one night, I heard her shouting in her dream: "Zhiming..." It was not hatred or resentment. Those two words were very light, as light as whispering in sleep, but I could hear the dependence in them - it was something she would never admit to when she was awake. I was shaking all over. Not anger, but fear. I suddenly realized that even if I locked her next to me for the rest of my life, she would never call my name in that tone. I numbed myself with opium. I can't quit her, and I can't quit the only thing in the world that can make me forget her. --- She gave birth to a son for me. I'm crazy happy. I have a son, mine and her son. I named him Yi'an - no hesitation, peace and security. I put all my thoughts into this child. I thought, as long as this child is here, she can't go far. But she left. While I was quitting smoking and retreating, my mother sold her to a distant brothel. On the day I left seclusion, the other courtyard was empty, and not a single thing of hers was left, as if she had never lived here before. I searched like crazy. Streets, alleys, car and boat docks, all the places she might go. No. Stone sinks into the sea. During those years I was like a zombie. Ping'er took care of Yi'an and ran the house properly. I was grateful to her, but I couldn't give her anything else. I straightened Ping'er up and gave birth to another pair of children. But I know in my heart that Yi'an is different. I am biased towards Yi An, so biased that everyone can see it. Because Yi'an is the only remaining connection between her and me. Until that day - news came from a close friend. She is dead. Block the gun for someone, and shoot through the heart. The book in my hand fell to the ground with a bang. Yi'an called me from the side, but I couldn't hear him. I rushed out of the room, the wind and rain poured into my collar, and the wind in my ears seemed to be calling her name. I have been looking for it for so many years, waiting for it for so many years, and obsessing about it for so many years. The last thing waiting was the news of death. I didn't even see her for the last time. Not even a chance to say "I'm sorry". I returned to Xiao's Mansion and stayed behind closed doors for three days. I dug out the golden butterfly hairpin that she had left behind - it was given to her by my brother, and she took it with her when she left. Later, it fell in another courtyard and became my only thought. I clutched the hairpin and remembered what I said to her that night when I lost control. She said: "I am just your trophy." In the empty room, I said to the hairpin: "Die'er, I love you. Because you are you, not a trophy." No one heard. She won't hear it either. From then on, I devoted all my energy to the front line of the Anti-Japanese War. Medicines, food, cotton-padded clothes—the means and connections I once used in business wars have all turned into the power to save the country and the people. I hate Zhang Zhiming, I have hated him all my life. But when the national crisis hits, I feel sorry for too many people, but I can never feel sorry for this land. I will only do two things for the rest of my life - save the country and raise her son. Yi'an is growing up day by day, and her features are becoming less and less like mine. But I dare not think about it. I poured all my guilt, debt, and obsession into him, teaching him to read, read, be patriotic and do good. I believe till my death that he is my biological flesh and blood. But I will never know, and no one will tell me - Yi'an is her and Zhang Zhiming's child. She gritted her teeth and survived, just so that I could raise children for my enemy for the rest of her life. ---This is my life, Xiao Qihao. Not a good person. But he's not a pure villain. He is an illegitimate child whose sanity has been burned away by jealousy. He is a madman who uses the most despicable means to force love and ends up empty-handed. He is a poor man who, in the end, does not even know who the son he has raised his entire life is. If you read "Butterfly Shadow Returns to Dust", please hate me. Please also remember me. Because in this book, some people grow old because of love, and some people die for love—but I, Xiao Qihao, became a ghost because of love. I have done so many things wrong in my life. In the next life, I just hope that I can meet her as early as possible, be fair and honest, and be a person worthy of her.