"Whether I'm ugly or not is none of your business!" The speaker was a long-haired female ghost. I carefully compared her from head to toe to one of the corpses on the ground. I wouldn't say they were 100% similar, but they were close. "The audience's eyes are discerning, and their evaluations are objective!" I said to her seriously. "If it's not us, the audience, who else can judge?!" "Me!" The voice came from behind us; it must have been a man. "Who are you?" I couldn't help but ask the voice. "Her man!" "Whose man?" I glanced at the woman whose arm the ghost woman was tightly gripping. "Our man!" The woman and the ghost answered in unison. "You can see him?" I asked the woman curiously. "I can't!" The woman shook her head. "But I can smell his scent!" "Scent... Scent?!" "The unique scent of a stinky man!" "Uncle, she said you smell!" I looked at the uncle with a mischievous grin. "Am I smelly?" The uncle pointed at the corpse on the ground. "But even if I smell bad, I'm not as smelly as that guy's body!" "A man who doesn't smell bad isn't a man!" The male ghost said seriously. "So you came here specifically to find your own body?!" The uncle asked. "Not looking for it!" The male ghost rolled his eyes at him. "Are you going to raise me?" "I never raise idle ghosts, especially trashy ghosts like you!" "Trash?" The male ghost sighed. "Having seen the ocean, other waters are nothing; having seen the clouds of Wushan, other clouds are nothing... I'm just more sentimental than most people!" 222
Title: I'm the Villain in Everyone's Eyes, But I Love Her No Less Than Anyone Else—Reading "Butterfly Shadow Returns to Dust" from Xiao Qihao's Perspective --- The world all condemns me, Xiao Qihao, as sinister, obsessive, and ruthless. They're right. I'm the illegitimate son of the Zhang family, taking my mother's surname, without a legitimate status, and raised under someone else's roof since childhood. I'm jealous of Zhang Zhiming—jealous of his status as a legitimate son, jealous of his substantial family fortune, and even more jealous that he married the only woman I ever wanted in my life. Lin Die'er. --- From the first moment I saw her, I knew I was doomed. She was a daughter of a prestigious family, with exquisite features and an unyielding spirit. Zhang Zhiming was incredibly accommodating to her, yet her eyes were filled with impatience and disdain. I saw it clearly—she didn't love him. Since she didn't love him, why couldn't I be placed beside her? Once this thought took root, it could never be uprooted. I began to spy on her daily routine, hiding behind the artificial hill to watch her sit alone by the pond, lost in thought. When she wasn't around, I would sneak into her courtyard and stare intently at the rouge box on her dressing table. I even made a move on Ping'er, simply because she was the closest person to Die'er. Die'er rushed to me, demanding that I marry Ping'er properly. I smiled and said to her, "The position of my legal wife has always belonged to you." Her eyes were like knives, cursing me as shameless. But I didn't care. I only cared about her. --- I finally got her, but she never belonged to me. I bribed Zhang's mother, forged a letter of divorce, and imprisoned Die'er in a separate courtyard. That night, I said to her: "Your mother-in-law has long since betrothed you to me." She cried, struggled, her heart breaking. I kissed her, but she didn't respond, only tears streamed down her face. At dawn, I pushed open the door and left. She was curled up in a corner, her clothes disheveled, her eyes empty. I thought I had won. But later I learned that she was pregnant with Zhang Zhiming's child. To keep the child alive, she made me believe it was mine. She gritted her teeth, trying to please me, closing her eyes and letting me kiss her, but murmuring another man's name where I couldn't hear. At night, she slept in my arms, murmuring in her sleep—"Zhiming…" Those two words were like a knife, piercing my heart. I tightened my arms, whispering in her ear, "It's okay. It doesn't matter who you call in your dreams. In this life, you can only lie beside me." But I couldn't deceive myself. I had her body, but never her heart. --- I gave her all my kindness, yet she wouldn't even give me a genuine smile. I poured all my love into her. I made the villa exquisite and warm, gathered her favorite snacks and treasures, stayed by her side every day, carefully caring for her, putting aside all my malice, learning to be gentle and accommodating. But the look in her eyes was always devoid of warmth. I was unwilling. I was insanely jealous of Zhang Zhiming. Why? Why could she be so unforgettable to him when he did nothing? I gave everything, yet I couldn't earn a single genuine smile from her. I became addicted to opium, trying to numb myself with it. I wanted to forget her, but I couldn't. --- She disappeared, and the rest of my life was filled with searching and regret. My mother sold her to a brothel while I was in seclusion trying to quit opium. When I emerged from seclusion and learned the news, I searched frantically, scouring every street and alley, but I found no trace of her. The child I believed to be Ping'er's was the one I cherished and cared for. I named him "Yi'an"—meaning "unwavering" and "peaceful." I poured all my guilt, indebtedness, and obsession with Die'er into this child. I believed until my death that he was my own flesh and blood. I never discovered the silver necklace she left behind tucked into the swaddling clothes. --- When news of her death arrived, my world collapsed. Years of searching, and what I finally received was news of her death. The woman I longed for but could never have, the woman who ruined half my life and whom I also ruined, she was dead. She took a bullet for someone else, giving her life for another man. I didn't even get to see her one last time, not even a chance to apologize. I held the golden butterfly hairpin she left in the villa, shutting myself away for three days, refusing to eat or drink. I remembered that night she said to me, "I'm just your trophy." I said to the air, word by word— "Die'er, I love you. Because you are you, not some trophy." No one heard. She won't hear me either. --- I'm not a good person, but I truly loved. Everyone says Xiao Qihao is a villain, a scoundrel, the murderer who ruined Die'er's life. I won't defend myself. But I want you to know—my love for her was no less than anyone else's. I just used the wrong method, the wrong method from the very beginning. If I could have met her sooner, if I could have pursued her openly and honestly, if I wasn't Zhang's illegitimate son, if I could have controlled that jealousy and obsession—would the ending have been different? No one can answer me. She will never come back. --- Epilogue: I poured all my guilt and longing for Die'er into the front lines of the War of Resistance. I could turn my blade against my brother, but never against my country. For the rest of my life, I devoted myself to supporting the war effort, teaching that child to love and be good, and spending my life atoning for the sins I had committed. I made Ping'er my legal wife, and she bore me a son and a daughter. But the place in my heart remained empty. I know I am not worthy to say I love her. But if there is a next life—I hope I can stand before her with dignity and say: "Miss Lin, hello. My name is Xiao Qihao. I am not anyone's illegitimate child, nor anyone's substitute. I am just someone who wants to get to know you." --- If you have ever loved someone to the point of obsession, read "Butterfly Shadow Returns to Dust." There are no purely good people here, nor purely bad people. There is only a man named Xiao Qihao who loved someone he should never have loved in the most wrong way. The end, leaving me with a lingering sense of unease.
