Are You Crazy?! You Call Acupuncture a Forbidden Spell?

[Western Fantasy What-If + Delusional Misreadings + Hilarious Power Fantasy]

Chen Banxia, the seventh-generation inheritor of a Chinese medicine family, is reborn in a magical world as someone completely incapable of using magic.

His parents are dead, and the family herbal shop owes the Church fifty gold coins in usurious loans. If he can't pay up tomorrow, he'll be kicked out onto the street.

On this continent, where the Holy Light monopolizes medicine, patients have to buy overpriced indulgence certificates, while clerics use healing magic at the cost of ordinary people's lifespans.

Then the earl's daughter is struck by a deadly poison. Six archbishops chant hymns for three days without success, then announce that her family should prepare for the worst.

Chen Banxia steps forward and checks her pulse with three fingers. "What abyssal curse? She just overdid it eating seafood with a magic potion. It's acute arsenic poisoning, that's all."

He opens a deerskin case of acupuncture needles and pricks three acupoints to drain the black blood. The young lady, already pronounced dead, sits up on the spot and cries out that she's hungry!

The archbishop collapses in fright, and every archmage present gets chills: "No incantation, no magic power, and he brought a dead person back with a few iron needles? What the hell, that's a divine-grade forbidden spell!"

From then on, the scene outside the Hall of Benevolence goes completely off the rails.

A tsundere elf alchemist squats in the back courtyard, pounding garlic through tears: "One bowl of ginger and brown sugar tea got me to the fourth tier? This makes no magical sense!"

A centenarian skeleton knight rolls around clutching a bucket of goji berries: "Go easy with the bone-setting, Doctor Chen! My old dragon bones are calcium-deficient again today."

A two-and-a-half-meter-tall orc slaps a noble into the wall. The old noble spits blood and cries with joy: "Don't stop! You just fixed my slipped disc of ten years!"

When the red-robed Pope leads the Crusaders through the doorway with murderous intent, Chen Banxia blows on his thermos of red goji berries and pinches a three-inch silver needle between his fingers. "Your glabella is dark, and you haven't been able to urinate for three days, yet you still dare to kick in my door? Eucommia, Dragon Bone, pin the Pope to the massage bed! I'm giving him the biggest cupping treatment of his life today!"