The System Is Trying to Harm Me; I'm Handing It over to the State

"You said you have a system in your head that wants to harm you?" "Yes." "It tells you to slap the icy female CEO, or it'll strike you dead with lightning?" "Yes, the CEO is my wife." Investigator A-Xing chuckled and quickly covered his face with his notebook. I asked angrily, "Are you laughing at me?" The senior investigator next to me glared at A-Xing, then turned to me: "We've been rigorously trained; we won't laugh no matter how funny it is." "Unless we can't help it," A-Xing added. I slammed my fist on the table in frustration: "I'm not joking! It only has ten seconds left on the countdown!"