NBA: All My Attributes Are Zero, Yet I Never Miss a Three!

My name is Ling Yi. I transmigrate to the NBA in 2006 and become an undrafted player on the Rockets, constantly at risk of being cut. In an era when the team with the best big men ruled, I have no vertical leap and can barely dribble past half court, making me the league's laughingstock and a supposed super-softie.

But so what? I've bound myself to the "Three-Point Shots Always Go In System"! As long as I stand beyond the three-point line, my shots have a 100% success rate, even if I throw them with my eyes closed! What's even more ridiculous is that the more opponents double-team me, the more my shots shatter their mental defenses!

The Spurs' suffocating defense is waiting to see me make a fool of myself, along with the entire league. I can't even be bothered to dribble. With four arms closing in on me, I rise up and shoot from two meters out, and the ball swishes through the net!

We go from trailing by 20 to leading by 40, and my 30 three-pointers in a single game teach Popovich a lesson! Charles Barkley slams the desk in despair on a live broadcast: "This violates the laws of physics! He can't even dribble, so how the hell did he score 90 points?!"

The next game is against the Detroit Pistons. Facing three defensive stalwarts marking me closely, I quietly retreat to the halfway line...