Black Robe: I'm a Teddy Bear, Homelander's Biological Big Brother

The Boys fan fiction + Ted + faithful to the original show + fixes the original's most frustrating plot points + reforms Homelander

After transmigrating into the world of The Boys, Chen Feng opens his eyes to discover that he has become an ordinary plush teddy bear, lying in a trash can in Vought International's most secret laboratory.

Not far away, six-year-old Homelander is red-eyed, having just burned three researchers to a crisp with his newly awakened laser vision. Behind bulletproof glass, countless scientists are terrified as they prepare to activate the destruction protocol.

As someone who knows the plot of all five seasons of The Boys, Chen Feng knows all too well: the future god among men before him is currently just a desperately unloved kid, on the verge of being driven insane by Vought.

Not only is Chen Feng bound to the Bad Influence Anchor System, he also knows exactly how to redeem this god among men in the most Ted-like way: with cigarettes, booze, a foul mouth, and the swagger of a street thug.

"Hey, blondie, cool laser eyes. Want a cigarette?"

From then on, Vought International's world is turned completely upside down.

Everyone else is terrified of Homelander, but in front of Ted, he's a giant baby who gets scolded and then sulkily hands over a beer.

Edgar: "We can't control Homelander. We can only hope that bear's in a good mood today."

After Soldier Boy is thawed out, he's dumbfounded: "My invincible son hugs a teddy bear and calls him big bro every day?!"