Great Tang: I Just Want to Run Away, but Li Er Says He Gets It Now

[Great Tang] + [Li Shimin] + [No System] + [Lighthearted Comedy] + [Misunderstandings and Wild Speculation] + [Fake Scholar]

I transmigrated to Mount Zhongnan in the Great Tang and, from the start, stumbled upon a true hermit who had choked to death in bed. Outside, Li Shimin was frantically pounding on the door with the chancellors of two dynasties!

To avoid being mistaken for a murderer, the overworked Su Xian was forced to don a sour-smelling Taoist robe and launch into some next-level bluffing.

When Li Er asked for advice on governing the country, all Su Xian wanted was to get back to sleep. “Forget about KPIs. You can't eat hot tofu in a hurry, got it?”

Fang Xuanling was enlightened on the spot. “Abolish harsh evaluations and promote the doctrines of Huang-Lao! What a brilliant mind, Master!”

With the corpse under the bed starting to stink, Su Xian bluffed nervously, “That is a fearsome spirit of war I have subdued. Do not disturb it!”

Then an urgent dispatch arrived from eight hundred li away: Luo Yi in Youzhou had rebelled at that very moment! The court officials dropped to their knees, their kneecaps practically shattering. “Master foresaw it all! You even predicted the exact hour of the uprising!”

Su Xian broke down. He set a fire and tried to flee in the confusion, only to be hailed as “sacrificing himself to refine the spirit of war in the flames.” When his Taoist robe burned away to reveal colorful shorts and a T-shirt, they cried out that these were “immortal garments for one who had abandoned ascension and returned to youth.”

Li Shimin's eyes reddened. He took off his imperial robe and draped it over Su Xian, then dispatched five hundred armored cavalry to seal off the mountain. “To keep Master safe, even a bird's droppings must be checked for poison before they're allowed to land in his courtyard!”

Looking at the layers upon layers of heavily armored men, Su Xian gazed up at the sky in despair. Please stop imagining things! I'm really not Zhuge Liang!