The Great Tang Storyteller: Everything I Tell Comes True

Let me start with the conclusion: I’m about to be driven insane by my emperor boss, who has a terminal case of overactive imagination.

My name is Lin Fan, a storyteller who makes a living telling ghost stories.

I told “The Water Ghost” to warn people not to wander by the river and to stay safe.

My boss, Li Shimin, heard it and immediately set up a “Department for Suppressing the Supernatural,” putting Wei Zheng in charge of researching “scientific flood control and talismans to prevent drowning.”

(Me: ???)

I told “Mr. Vampire” to explain how glutinous rice and peachwood swords could ward off evil.

My boss, Li Shimin, heard it and promptly took the Imperial Seal and issued the first “Imperial Edict of the Human Sovereign,” using the nation’s fortune to suppress every last vampire.

(Me: Brother, this is way beyond what I signed up for!)

I told the Classic of Mountains and Seas simply because I’d run out of material and was making things up as I went.

My boss, Li Shimin, heard it and grabbed my hand excitedly. “So you’re telling me that foreign lands are full of demons and monsters, and we should send divine soldiers and heavenly generals to conquer them!”

Then Cheng Yaojin went and dragged back a Tibetan monster tied up with an “Immortal-Binding Rope,” chaining it up outside the Vermilion Bird Gate as an “auspicious omen.”

Envoys from every nation came to pay tribute, and they were scared out of their wits.

Please, I’m just some lousy storyteller!

Li Shimin, patting me on the shoulder: “No need to be so modest, sir. I understand the deeper meaning behind everything you say. Come, let’s discuss our plan for establishing the Tang Heavenly Court.”

I looked at the “Draft Plan for the Heavenly Court’s Departments” he handed me, and everything went black.

Somebody save me!!!