Great Tang: I Stole the Imperial Seal and Declared Myself County Magistrate from the Start

Alternate history + “a loving father and filial son” + hilarious stress relief + no playing by the rules

In the seventeenth year of Zhenguan, the Taiji Palace was robbed. What was stolen wasn't gold or jewels, but the Imperial Jade Seal.

Three days later, the Yunyang County office posted a notice: “Li Wei, former Prince of Qi, is virtuous and talented, and cares for the people. He is hereby appointed seventh-rank magistrate of Yunyang County. So decreed.” A bright red impression of the Jade Seal sat neatly beneath the text.

Li Shimin was so furious he flipped over the imperial desk on the spot, then sent Yuchi Gong to drag his rebellious son back and punish him. Yuchi Gong returned with a message...

“The Prince of Qi says that when Your Majesty killed your brother and forced your father aside, you rebelled against your ancestors. So what's the big deal about him stealing a Jade Seal to become a county magistrate? If we're talking rebellion, he ought to call Your Majesty a rebellious father.”

The whole court dropped to its knees. No one dared raise their head.

From then on, Chang'an had a strange spectacle: every day the emperor cursed his rebellious son in court, while in the county office someone wrote memorials to roast his rebellious father. Li Chengqian plotted rebellion in Chang'an, Li Tai fought for the throne there, and Li Ke and Li Zhi watched eagerly from the sidelines. Meanwhile, the first man to leave the game was in the Yunyang County office, trying a chicken theft case.

While the brothers in Chang'an fought each other to the death, Li Wei in Yunyang married Li Jing's daughter, made Cheng Chumo his guard commander, and grew close to a circle of military officers' and nobles' sons. Li Shimin was alarmed: the boy didn't form factions or pursue private interests. He even thought the crown prince's position would get in the way of judging cases. Yet the people around him held half of the Tang Empire's military power.

Wei Zheng stood in court, wearing his stern, impartial expression, and cupped his hands toward Li Shimin. “Your Majesty, your old servant believes...”

Li Shimin took a deep breath. “Get out.”

Wei Zheng replied, “Your servant takes his leave.”

Before the door had even closed, Li Shimin turned to the left...