Age Seven: I Tear Into the Foundation-Wearing General and Set the Internet Ablaze

Seven-year-old Su Ming and his good-for-nothing parents, a pair of '90s-born bit-part players, attend the Hengdian Spring Festival.

The host deliberately tries to stump him: “Little buddy, is the legendary Sky-Piercing Halberd the most powerful weapon in history?”

Su Ming replies clearly and confidently: “No, it’s the Dongfeng Express. It’s 32.6 meters long and carries multiple independently targetable warheads. Its range covers the whole world!”

The crowd erupts! The authorities give him a like! The whole internet goes wild!

And just like that, the most hardcore “max-level human toddler” in history bursts onto the scene!

When a pretty-boy star plays a general wearing foundation, Su Ming angrily calls out the blood and tears of the 25,000-li Long March, then lifts the Sky-Piercing Halberd with one arm, stunning the entire internet!

At the National Museum, a Western curator flaunts stolen national treasures and demands an exorbitant protection fee. Su Ming produces irrefutable legal evidence, uses a holographic projection to recreate the blood and tears of the burning of the Old Summer Palace, and forces the foreign curator to weep and kowtow before the dragon-head fountain before signing an unconditional agreement to return the treasures free of charge!

From elite hacker to master physician, from woodworking grandmaster to celebrated opera star!

His good-for-nothing dad and online-shopping-obsessed mom had hoped to coast through life on their son’s success. Instead, he turned them into national treasure-protecting heroes celebrated across the internet.

“Son, maybe take it down a notch. Your old man’s ribs can barely take it!”

A billion viewers flood the internet with messages of worship:

“Is this really an eight-year-old? This is the internet’s living cyber-dad!”

“When the kid brother marches out, not a blade of grass survives! China’s backbone is all thanks to our living dad!”