Your Majesty, the Empress Says Tonight Is Not Suitable for Bedchamber Duties

Su You has a clear goal in entering the palace: keep her head down until retirement and collect her pension. Unfortunately, she gets dealt the worst possible hand from the start: her husband is Xiao Jin, a moody and unpredictable tyrant.

One day, the tyrant comes to her door with a sword, swearing to cut down the woman who dared strike his name from her palace cards.

Su You calmly swishes tripe in a hotpot. “Your Majesty, take three steps to the left, or you’ll be in for a bloody disaster.”

Xiao Jin scoffs. The very next second, the emperor slips on a watermelon rind and bows deeply to Su You.

From then on, everything changes.

Xiao Jin: “My beloved consort, tonight…”

Su You: “The reading says tonight’s yin and yang are out of balance. If Your Majesty insists, you may suffer from an unspeakable ailment.”

Xiao Jin grits his teeth, but doesn’t dare cross the line.

The court officials: “Her Highness is truly divine!”

Xiao Jin: “Divine? She just wants to slack off and avoid sharing my bed!”