Are These Lunatics Heavenly Soldiers? Emperors of Every Dynasty Are Going Crazy Grinding Them

Gu Changsheng transmigrates into the role of a general guarding Zhenbei Pass, and from the start he’s in a hopeless situation: the court has cut off supplies, and an enemy army of a hundred thousand is at the gates. With no other choice, he disguises this world as the full-dive online game The Mandate of the Realm and tricks modern-day goofball gamers into “hauling bricks and fighting wars.” But the players’ antics leave the people of the past dumbfounded: No provisions? Player: “Try my ‘Northern Mang barbecue.’ It tastes like beef and is packed with protein!” Hard to defend the city? Player: “I know tower defense games! I’m turning these walls into a maze!” The enemy is fierce? Player: “You dare show me your health bar? I’ll kill you all!” Meanwhile, everything is livestreamed to the emperors of a thousand dynasties. Emperor Wu of Han watches the players chase the Xiongnu around until they’re bawling for their mothers, and grows fired up: “Magnificent! These are the backbone of Huaxia! I’ll reward you with a hundred thousand Ferghana horses!” Zhao Kuangyin watches the players tear into the treacherous ministers urging surrender and is overcome with shame: “I’ll give you thirty percent of the treasury. Please, sir, kill that foolish emperor for me!” Looking at the mountains of supplies and the enemy soldiers groaning all over the ground, Gu Changsheng spreads his hands. “I really wasn’t trying to unify the world. It’s all because the top donors pushed me into it!”