Konoha Director: You Think I'm Raising Naruto? Think Again

I transmigrated into the night of the Nine-Tails' attack. The Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze, stood covered in blood, begging me to adopt his helpless, orphaned son. I looked at him, then at the crying Nine-Tails jinchuriki, and raised a hand to refuse. “Minato, you've got it all wrong. Raising a kid is too much trouble. You're the one who should be his dad.”

System, bind me to the Fourth Hokage! From today on, I've got your back! I kicked Obito Uchiha flying, then turned the Nine-Tails into fox-shaped dumplings with one hand and stuffed them back inside Kushina. I looked at the stunned Minato and Kushina, clapped my hands, and said, “Quit standing there. Take the kid home and make dinner. I'm hungry.”

From then on, Konoha's way of life went completely off the rails. When spies from other villages tremblingly pointed at the blond kid doodling on the Hokage Monument and asked if he was the Nine-Tails jinchuriki, the entire Akatsuki fell silent. Because standing behind him were the Yellow Flash, who would never sacrifice himself; the Blood Red Pepper, with enough chakra to blow your mind; and me, the behind-the-scenes director of Konoha who made the entire Akatsuki work overtime to finish their reports.