Journey to the West: You Asked Me to Cook, So I Wrote Bad Reviews for the Monsters

He transmigrates into Journey to the West and becomes Tang Sanzang's traveling cook. From the start, they're at Yellow Wind Ridge, Sun Wukong has been blinded, and the whole party is about to end up in the cooking pot? Lin Xuan says, “Don't panic,” and activates the [Three Realms Review System]! “Ding! One-star review for the Yellow Wind Monster. Forced stink removal and scrub-down!” The next second, heavenly water and brushes descend, scrubbing the Yellow Wind Monster raw until he's bald. The Samadhi Divine Wind he blows out is nothing but soap bubbles! “Ding! Five-star review for Sun Wukong. S-rank recipe unlocked!” One plate of “Fiery Golden Eyes Stir-Fried Monkey Brains” later, Brother Monkey's eyes blaze with golden light and his combat power skyrockets! From then on, the entire journey west goes completely off the rails! Fighting the White Bone Spirit three times? Lin Xuan: “One-star review! That's false advertising!” Run into a monster with connections? Lin Xuan: “I'll copy the bad review to the Celestial Court and make your connected boss come down here and handle customer service personally!” Tang Sanzang is about to chant the tightening spell? Lin Xuan immediately posts an S-rank divine review: “[One-Star Review] Terrible user experience! Even Buddha himself should take this off the shelves!” When Lin Xuan starts livestreaming sales, all the gods, Buddhas, demons, and monsters across the Three Realms go wild! The Jade Emperor: “Minister Lin! I'll send you ten flat peaches. Save me a bowl of Buddha Jumps Over the Wall!” The Tathagata: “...Amitabha Buddha. That Human Seed Bag, I'll offer you two Merit Golden Lotuses for it. What do you say...” Years later, Lin Xuan marches on Spirit Mountain at the head of a “God of Cookery Corporation” made up of demon kings, celestial gods, and Buddhas. Looking at Tathagata Buddha trembling on his throne, Lin Xuan smiles kindly. “Buddha, don't be nervous.” “I just want to give you and your Western Paradise one... ultimate review!”