The Good Soldier Švejk in the Henhouse

Keywords: The Good Soldier Švejk, Blue Archive, good-for-nothing teacher, chaotic neutral, deadpan fooling around When Švejk opened his eyes, he thought he had gone to heaven. After all, only angels had halos that bright. But an official named Shichin Rin told him that this was Kivotos, a city of miracles made up of thousands of academies. And he was the “Sensei” invited to take up a post there. Faced with students who could dismantle mechs with their bare hands, tangled factional struggles, and a president who seemed to have washed her hands of everything, Švejk put the core skill he had learned in the Austro-Hungarian Army to use: absolute obedience, and making a complete mess of things. He applied the wisdom he’d gained from filing a dog’s pedigree papers to student council paperwork, inspected students’ halos with the skill of someone fixing a radio, and used the supreme art of smoothing things over to navigate the various academies. When a crisis struck and everyone counted on this “chosen teacher” to turn the tide, Švejk innocently asked, “Reporting in, sir! Once I’ve completed the mission, could I get a sausage as a reward?” This is the story of how a “good-for-nothing” teacher uses the simplest methods to “heal” an entire academy in ruin.