Hunted by the Entire Internet, I Have No Choice but to Report Cthulhu

The day the System arrived, the whole world received a criminal plot announcement from me. “User Shen Jin has selected: mass murder, coup d’etat, invasion from another world.” When federal agents burst through my door, I was shaving in front of the mirror. They didn’t know that this System was actually… “Warning: Cognitive barrier about to be lifted. The Old Ones are 98% awake.” I sighed and put down my razor. “All right, I admit it. I didn’t choose any of those things.” “But do you really want to know who’s controlling this System?”