A Survival Guide to Nuclear War on Campus

Introduction Congratulations, classmate. Or perhaps I should say, my condolences. If you’ve opened this handbook, then you’ve already realized that this is no ordinary school. This is First High School, a place where “survival of the fittest” is the only school motto. Here, knowledge is not only power, but also a weapon, a shield, and sometimes the fuse that sets off a mutually assured destruction. This handbook has been published in the name of the Academic Affairs Office, but its contents were written in blood and tears by countless students who came before you. It combines the school’s rules with survivors’ hard-won experience, offering you a guide to establishing order amid chaos and finding a chance to live amid destruction. Remember these three core principles. They matter more than any individual rule: 1. Rules are your tools. Learn to use them. 2. Trust your roommates, but make sure you know what they’re hiding in their pockets. Teamwork is the foundation of survival, but too much naivety can get you killed. 3. You have to survive before you can strike back. Whether you’re facing a mushroom cloud, a bunker-buster, or a surprise inspection by the Academic Affairs Office, making it to the next day is your greatest victory. This handbook cannot guarantee your safety. That would be an affront to reality. All it can do is try its hardest to give you a slightly better chance of survival when you’re confiscated, bombed, or caught up in all kinds of incomprehensible incidents. Now, read on carefully. Your survival rate starts being calculated from this moment on. Handbook Editorial Committee (jointly formed by survivors from past classes and the Academic Affairs Office’s “special advisers”)