The moment Li Xuan opens his eyes, he nearly starves to death in a pile of rotting straw at the end of the Eastern Han dynasty! He’s wondering whether to chew tree bark or become a refugee when a huge screen suddenly opens in the sky: a live broadcast from a secret realm! Ten “chosen ones,” each with their own lackeys, pick bizarrely dressed gods and demons to fight in hand-to-hand combat? The winner gets provisions? And the whole world is watching?
Watching the ancients mistake “Super Saiyans” for crazy monkeys and “Ultraman” for tin-plated monsters, Li Xuan bursts out laughing. “You country bumpkins! This is a free win!”
With his stomach growling, he rushes up to Cao Cao and thumps his chest. “Boss Cao! Trust me! I can talk to the gods! Whoever picks the red-haired monkey is guaranteed to win!” And the result? A crushing victory! Cao Cao’s eyes nearly pop out of his head.
From then on, the monthly secret realm becomes Li Xuan’s personal show. While everyone else is still debating whether to pick “Big Guy A” or “Swordsman B,” Li Xuan taps the screen. “You, the bald guy in the cape!” Then... one punch! His opponent goes flying along with the god or demon he picked! The ancients are instantly blown away!
“That golden giant can fire energy blasts! Holy crap!”
“Why does that guy with the kitchen knife get stronger the more he’s beaten?!”
With his advance knowledge and outrageous tricks, Li Xuan struts through the secret realm and rakes in provisions. He recruits Zhao Yun and helps Cao Cao, and soon the Three Kingdoms are on the verge of unification. Cao Pi takes the throne, then tries to kick away the ladder? Li Xuan immediately feigns illness and retires. “I’m done serving you!”
But then Cao Pi gets beaten black and blue by Zhuge Liang’s army and begs the old sage to come out of retirement, kneeling through the night. Li Xuan stretches. “All right. I’ll put on a show for you... a golden giant beating the wooden oxen and flowing horses!”
With the realm united and the throne within reach, Cao Pi still tries to plot behind his back? Li Xuan grins as a towering purple giant appears behind him. “Pi, the times have changed!”
