I Returned from My Travels, and My Taoist Temple Is a Tourist Attraction?

After wandering for three years, I return to find that my desolate, abandoned temple has become a tourist attraction. That should be a good thing, but what is this temple supposed to be?

Where are my Three Pure Ones statues? Where's the God of Wealth? How did they get replaced by the Buddha of Bliss and Guanyin, the Goddess of Childbirth?

If you bald donkeys won't play fair, then your Daoist master here knows a thing or two about fighting.

First couplet: Keep your heart wicked and wild, and no matter how much incense you burn, it'll do you no good. Second couplet: Stand upright and righteous, and what's wrong with not bowing when you see me?

Horizontal scroll: Believe if you want, or get lost if you don't. Don't disturb your Daoist master while he cultivates.

What, you all want me to tell your fortunes and catch ghosts, too?

Didn't you see the couplet at the entrance?

It's the modern age. Everyone should believe in science.

Fine, you want your fortune told? The fortune sticks are right here, pick one. As for ghosts, here's a copy of One Hundred Thousand Whys.

Don't bother your Daoist master unless there's a real reason.