The Terrifying Quack Doctor: All My Patients Have Cracked

[Goofy + Hilarious + Shameless = Absolutely Unhinged] Don't bring your brain. Don't bring your brain. Don't bring your brain! Important things must be said three times!!! This book has absolutely no logic whatsoever. As for the usual web-novel tropes... The author gives a scornful smile, blows at the sparse fringe over his forehead, and declares, "I don't know any!" Zhang Xian, a young Chinese excavator operator, unexpectedly transmigrates into a dark fantasy world. (According to research, he may have dug so hard he tunneled right through the Earth...) He obtains the Quack Doctor System. That's right, not a miracle doctor, but a quack! [Ding! System mission triggered: Cure the rheumatoid arthritis of a rotting Black Zombie.] Black Zombie: "I'm more flexible, but weaker now. Boo-hoo!" [Ding! System mission triggered: Make the stubborn White Slime get hard.] White Slime: "I'm hard, and I'm stronger too! But my master doesn't want me anymore. Boo-hoo!" [Ding! System mission triggered: Make the little girl...] Princess Loli: "I'm going to kill that damn human doctor!!!" Zhang Xian: "If something's bothering you, I'll cut it out. So easy! A doctor's heart is a parent's heart, and all my patients are very satisfied!" All the patients: "Human, are you... polite...?"