Blue Sky and Sea Reflection

Life quotes This life! Is it really over? There is so much pressure in this life. It looks young and vigorous, but it turns out to be withered and dead. It seems to have improved for a while, but then it feels destroyed. It is really uncomfortable, as if wandering between hope and despair. What does that mean? All this is so painful, so painful, like ice three feet thick, like burning flames. There is only one breath left to walk around. I think my teacher once said this idiom back then. I only had a vague understanding of it at the time, but I have a deep understanding of it today. I am an atheist, but it seems that people have souls. I have lost everything, and all I have is my dull mind and my incompetent self. Soul! It's really wonderful, what is the human soul, or what is the soul of each person. The regret in my life is that I didn't graduate from my youth. Others had a wonderful youthful time that was free and happy, but I was mostly covered in shadow. Speaking of shadows, that is a question that math teachers often ask us to do. After many years, I looked at the papers carefully and found that my results were a kind of living or dead. Although I am not very smart, I did not eliminate the shadow area of ​​the figure. That question was calculated incorrectly! Wrong! Ignored! Sloppy! The total area is incomplete, so why does the figure still have light and dark? Is this a test of one's intelligence? I don't really like it, especially the difficult and brain-breaking stuff. I think learning from books is wrong, unrealistic and incomprehensible. Originally, simple formulas or mathematics that can weigh a kilogram can be solved directly, but many crooked and high-intellectual equation questions are thrown away. Is there such a need for people with invincible intelligence in life? Or is life full of complex problems? After a few years, the teacher and student met each other, but when I saw him, I just "avoided" him. First, he has no face to meet others. He feels ashamed when told by his students. In addition, this teacher is relatively cold and handsome and generally difficult to get in touch with. I am usually very afraid of teachers, so I don't deal with them enthusiastically. Even if he has no achievements, he actually gave up school. I don't know what they will think. What I remember most clearly about my childhood years is that my mentor accompanied us to grow up in the past two years. They taught us for two years but failed to succeed. The reason why we are called mentors is because of their selfless dedication to education, and they cherished this precious period of my growth. Unfortunately, there are people in life who are your enemies. This is called enemies, enemies, and discordants. Sometimes I think it would have been better if they didn't appear. The bastard Xia Xia was a bad person in those years, interrupting my peaceful world. Calculated, they are the robbers, overlords, thugs and traitors who occupy the largest area of ​​​​the clear and shadow area. Two villains and a traitor, they did a lot of harm to me. The other one pretended to be handsome, shrewd and cunning and used his little cleverness to win over him. The other is a clown with an evil face. He was so stupid and ridiculous that he was destroyed by his own hands and was expelled from the country. They have one thing in common, that is, they are young and bold, smoke fireworks, fool around, and rely on interpersonal relationships to thrive. The worst thing is that he is very short, but he has a strong backing. There is another most terrifying thing in life, grievance and hatred. If one doesn't understand anything, I will never provoke others. Maybe this thug didn't like me, or he was slightly contradicting him in some way. The second is the "combination of a toad and a snake" that makes me feel scared at first sight. The hair on the whole body stands on end. It's a long and thin body. There wasn't much friction between me and him. One of the reasons was that he couldn't stand me, so he was very angry. What I understand is why there are so many haters in life. The most serious one is the inability to understand the reactionaries of human nature. When I was a child, I remember that no matter how I provoked others, I always made trouble beforehand and got better afterwards. There was a kind of one-on-one challenge with others, and I lost. I was a student in the same class. After that, he even asked me to do his homework for him in a coquettish way. Another guy who often had disputes with me always picked on me. I don't know what happened, but he and I got back together and started playing together. What's annoying is that other people use birth dates and horoscopes to talk about things. Their attributes are conflicting. They don't believe in fate or heaven, but it always happens in the dark. I was incompatible with them, resented everything, hated these people, and when I was cornered, I would risk my life and kill them. The third is the extremely sinful traitors, who are originally a group of people and have no explicit relationship with each other. Is it called that, classmate? Friend? I can't even define this category, and I need to create the latest extreme, rich, and complete words to describe them in a derogatory sense. After that, we played together. At first, I didn't have much opinion about a friend. As long as we could communicate smoothly, why bother thinking about who he was? I must have been playing for a while, and my humanity has been highlighted, and I can see people's hearts over time! He became a scoundrel, a bitch with a bad taste and a foul mouth. His existence is definitely a danger to humanity, and so are the bad guys. That bastard is just a talker. He can eat people without spitting out the bones. He sucks blood like a ghost mosquito and stings like a poisonous insect with venom. His dirty words are outrageous. I wonder if God gave people tongues to use them to say dirty things? I remember crying once, enduring the taste of hell and shedding tears as a man. If people say nice things in a civilized manner, then everything is easy to discuss. I can't say anything that is crude and obscene. I just mumbled a few words out of nowhere when I was a child. That bastard thing's gossip is like a cold winter wind blowing down, as strong as white rain plus hail that makes all the branches on the earth fall. The smell of shit in the mouth of a mad dog is really annoying, and some of us are passive and cowardly in this environment. No matter what, even if it is resistance, it seems weak and weak, it seems like this! They are a group of Japanese invaders, and we are just honest civilians who only take care of our own lives and don't have much ability to care about anything else. We are a group of ridiculous, regrettable, pathetic ants, trampled to death by tyrannical beasts with just one kick. There is a fourth one, but I don't want to mention it. I conclude that the first two are violent conquests and the last two are insults. These actions are like a bolt from the blue and turn the situation around. Even the dead ghosts will not let go of the sinners. The only pain I have is that I cannot forget the sorrow they did to me. I want to forget those unpleasant years, but it becomes more and more intense. Their ugly faces haunt my mind and float in my dreams. This made me mentally weak and I couldn't see for a long time. I didn't sleep until 2 or 3 o'clock. My memory has also declined greatly. I was whipped mercilessly by a demon in my dream. It was a fierce mirror that reflected thousands of scorching lights, blinding my eyes and transforming into me. It evaporated all my energy. At 10:11 in the morning, I pulled the quilt and buried myself deeply in the bed. After the sleepiness disappeared, I slowly got up. What little time I have left is wasted time, or my soul is wandering. Is playing games just for entertainment? I was escaping from reality, indulging myself in dreams of life and death, so that I would no longer be sad or sad, forget the scars of indifferent time, and become an addict. Playing with things to comfort yourself, and not taking any action, thinking that all this is not so important. As long as you get through this, or rather, sink in this sea of ​​suffering, let him rot in the sea. Locking yourself in a cage is to prevent the outside world from harming you, and you always feel panic all over your body when facing other people. Although I couldn't read anything in their eyes, I could hear words like "Who is this! It's so ridiculous, such an idiot. This person is so disappointing, oh! It turns out to be him." In addition, because I am not very good at talking, or I sit there alone without communicating with others, I am more likely to be speculated or gossiped about. I think Mr. Dazai's disqualification is that he plays the buffoon and performs the show. At first I couldn't understand this kind of psychology, but later I understood. Everyone in life is an actor. I roughly theorize that there are two types: intentional and inner. Someone will be multi-faceted in the situation. They will show extraordinary, extraordinary, out of place, and full of eroticism. I have always thought of those external things that I should ignore, such as showing off one's style at a banquet and showing off one's coquettishness. The young man picked up a big stick of cigarettes to stand out, his brothers punched loudly in support, and talked endlessly, which was actually to express his own style. There are also interactions in life. When meeting unfamiliar people, they will put on a fake expression, or deliberately frame their own behavior. There is a kind of inner being that has not been constructed. It is inherently simple and remains the same as it has always been. Or it's just a change in mood, not a flamboyant and weird personality. Sometimes I also decorate myself, to stand out in front of everyone, to compete with my classmates and friends, or to be the first to highlight myself, to pretend to be tall and handsome in front of girls, and to hide myself in certain venues and environments. This is the so-called intentional and outstanding performance.