About My Childhood Friend Being a Childhood Sweetheart

Also known as: My Childhood Friend, Who Grew Up with Me, Turned Out to Be My Childhood Sweetheart and Played Me Like a Fiddle.

So, here's the question:

I glanced at my childhood friend, who couldn't stop throwing up and whose belly was gradually growing, then at myself, about to walk into the graveyard of marriage thanks to her schemes. Oh, all-knowing internet friends, what should I do?

[How about five kids in three years?]

Pure sugar, no poison, 1v1