The Lowest of the Nine Ranks? I’ll Dance the Lion and Slay My Way Through the Ages

While others cultivate immortality in pursuit of eternal life, I, Chen Shitou, cultivate the Dao of the lion dance.

The immortal sects step on my lion head and call me low-class? Then I'll use a coffin lid as a drum and roar back ten thousand evil spirits!

Before my master died, he left me seven battered lion heads and a lightning-struck wooden brush.

The White Lion escorts the dead and specializes in killing immortals and Buddhas. The Black Lion suppresses evil and swallows heavenly tribulations whole. The Scarlet Lion is ferocious enough to shatter stars with its flesh!

Others fly ninety thousand li on their swords. I stride across raised poles and shatter the highest heavens. Others assume the forms of heaven and earth. I summon a lion spirit to possess me!

Later, the great drought demon descended, and gods and Buddhas fell from the sky like ants. The Immortal Emperor knelt and begged for mercy.

That night, I donned the seventh battered lion head. With blood for ink and bone for brush, I rewrote the laws of the Heavenly Dao!

The Immortal Emperor asked me, "What is it you want?"

I spat out a mouthful of blood and said, "I'll trade my life so that not one person under heaven has to kneel!"