All Hail! Kneel Before the Metaphysics Master!

What? The legendary Lord Lu is getting married? And to some country girl? The whole capital was in an uproar. But when Lord Lu crouched down to gently massage his beloved wife's feet, everyone realized that the country girl was the metaphysical master they had tried to meet by offering her a check. The crowd cried, “Master, please tell our fortunes, read our characters, protect our homes, ward off disaster, slay demons, and banish evil!” Lord Lu snapped, “Get lost! With the pittance you have, don't waste my wife's time. The rest of her life belongs to me!”