Investiture of the Gods: A Heavenly Court Appointment! Interested?

I was once a mortal in the world below, now I choose candidates for the Investiture of the Gods. Heavenly Court has official posts, enough to make even carefree immortals jealous. “Fellow Daoist, please stay!” “Get on the Investiture of the Gods, and you’ll become a deity with an official post in the Heavenly Court, buddy!” “An official post in the Heavenly Court, a place among the immortals, steady pay come rain or shine. A guaranteed job for life!” “I just wanted to help everyone find a good job.” 【But why is every single one of you trying to beat me up?!】 “Does it come with five insurances and a housing fund?” “Absolutely!” “Five insurances: heavenly lightning, earthly fire, soul-binding, the Book of Life and Death, and eternal servitude.” “One fund: a golden divine body and a godly position, issued after death.” 【What the hell? I’ll beat the shit out of you!】