Fighting: the Ancestor of the Xiao Family, Obtained the Horse Talisman at the Beginning

100% Disaster poison body, it has already broken out and is hopeless.

A rough review: Excuse me, what is the use of the horse charm on the protagonist. . . . When do you plan to use it🙂🙂🙂 Why is it that the horse charm didn't work and it turned out to be a mouse🙂

Congratulations on signing the contract. I am also the first signed writer to come to me to read articles. Thanks for the invitation. Let's talk about what we saw in the first chapter: The 12 zodiac talismans in Jackie Chan's Adventures (probably), followed Xiao Lin through the world of Fighting to Break the Sky, and saved the life of the ancestor of the Xiao family. Then the story is ready to restart. Advantages: The writing is very smooth, there is no special sense of pause, and the overall feeling is silky. I'm not good at praising others, so I'll just hold back so much. Disadvantages (Purely personal opinion): 1. Too much dependence Personally, I think that excellent fan fiction can be written independently from the original work. I watched "Dou Po" many years ago, and I have almost forgotten the characters and settings in it. After reading your first chapter, I feel very confused. Even you yourself don't know the situation of the original work. You used a word in parentheses that sounds like the original work, which made me instantly confused. The subsequent settings can be said to be incomprehensible without Doupo. Of course, "Dou Po" currently has a wide range of readers, and there are not many people like me who don't remember the original work. It's not a big problem, but it is. 2. Logic Who is Xiao Lin? Why time travel? How come you accept the identity setting instantly after traveling through time? The sensory system either suddenly appeared or appeared when he expected it. What if it doesn't show up? What about his time-travel-and-death tension? No. Because he knew the system would appear. Purely cool writing style, no logical logic, not a big problem, but there are. 3. Twelve Zodiac Charms You have written a series of Twelve Zodiac Charms. Are you sure that all readers have read "The Adventures of Jackie Chan"? Or are you sure that readers will take out a small notebook to take notes and remember what the functions are? Just throw out an instruction manual. Of course, the system settings still need to be written. It's not a big problem, but it is. I can't say more, so let's just say this much. The above is purely personal opinion.