The Night Before Day

I am similar to an ordinary college student in my 20s. I don't know what to do every day. It seems that I just repeat my daily life mechanically. It's not that I don't know how to find something to do. It's just that I feel very tired. You can call me lazy at will. I call my current state a sober sinking, just like a swimmer falling into the sea. There are his family and friends on the shore, calling his name vigorously and trying to make him swim to the shore, but he feels that sinking to the bottom of the sea is a good choice. Every day I think about my failed relationship, my broken family, my boring school life, and I always come up with a bunch of useless thoughts. In the winter that just passed, I had the idea of ​​staying in that winter. I wanted to spend all the money I had left and sleep quietly. I still decided to live and see. As for the reason, I think it must be that I haven't thought of a way to take that woman with me on the road. When I think of it, I will sleep next to her in the cold and have the most delicious sleep in this period, and then execute the death sentence I have sentenced myself. I really looked down on myself. While I had this thought, I also criticized myself for how cowardly I was. There are times when I negotiate with myself every day.