Mortal: Start on Jiyin Island, Body Against the Sea of ​​Stars

I took a look at the data of that Western Fantasy book. The number of words is more than twice that of this one, and the monthly ticket collection data seems to be about the same... Moreover, that book is an old author's account, and this one is a small one, otherwise the gap will be more obvious. This book is actually quite well written and gradually gets better. However, there are a few minor flaws at the beginning. For example, the description of the senior sister is a waste of pen and ink and has no meaning. During the system improvement period, the main character is entrusted with reducing the intelligence of the protagonist, etc., Which may dissuade passers-by. But it's not a fatal problem. If you concentrate on writing, your grades will definitely improve. By the way, here are some suggestions for the author's reference. First of all, is it too unnatural for the system to search and create techniques directly out of thin air? For example, the Dayan Jue was created directly out of thin air? It is recommended that the system function be changed to improve, strengthen, and integrate the existing exercises, or strengthen the Qi training method into the Danjie method, but it is not recommended to obtain the original method out of thin air. Otherwise, it lacks a lot of fun in collecting skills and magical powers. Secondly, the author has obviously made much progress in emotional drama and female portrayal compared to Scientific Cultivation, but it is still relatively weak. Yuan Yao Yanli's original work was originally about Mu Qiang looking for a Taoist companion (after all, Wangyu is a loser in writing emotional dramas). It is indeed difficult to change, but at least it will not be overemphasized... It is really bad to have a lot of face-to-face speeches about success in cultivation. And some of the plots are too forced. For example, why does the protagonist want to capture Yuan Yao Yanli? The protagonist explained that he was interested in their sisterly relationship. I thought he was planning to catch one and release the other, and let one of them be used as a hostage. In the end, both were released? What's the point of having a strong sisterly relationship? Why arrest them instead of arresting others... It's better to explain that the protagonist is interested in sex. There are also some problems with the conversation with Han Li. Other book friends have already pointed them out, so I won't go into details. In short, I wish the author to write better and better! I have followed this journey from scientific cultivation to immortality. I really hope the author can work hard. There is no comparable meal replacement among ordinary people.

Didn't you dare to do anything in the last book? Everything must be given to Han Li

Damn it, I'm still updating that Western fantasy book, I just castrated it, I'm updating Mortal Chapter 4 in one day, I'm not happy to read it

So what if it's about licking dogs? The previous book was also about licking dogs, and there were a lot of people there. As long as I gave Nangong Wan these, and didn't interact with Han Li more, everyone would be able to read it.

It would be great if you use a large size to write about mortals.

Tell Han Li about the Sky Palm Vase and the Red Thread Escape Needle! 😒 He also said to Han Li, "You will know later."

I told you not to write Western fantasy a long time ago, but now I believe it 😁

It would have been better if it had been like this earlier, otherwise I would have formed elixirs by now

I haven't read the book "Scientific Cultivation of Immortality", but it doesn't feel like it is written by a high-quality novel author. The first few chapters have too many poisonous points, such as too complicated cheats, unclear death time of the original body, and being noticed by high-level monks for no reason, etc.

I started writing this book, and now it's on the shelves

Just cut it off, a waste of energy. Concentrate on this book and maybe subscribe to get some ideas.

It seems that the author will not focus on writing this book until his other dnd book hits the market completely. How should I put it? After all, there are very few high-quality mortal fan authors, and their level must be high. After finishing the last book, there should have been some progress, but this one has still regressed. It can only be said that writing two books has distracted the energy, and the conception and thinking are a bit rough. Overall, there are no particularly big poisonous points, and it is relatively smooth and smooth. Moreover, there is no need to practice the Qingyuan Sword Technique that stretched the distance in the early stage, and there is no aesthetic fatigue. But at the current 400,000-word mark, the water chapter has appeared. You have no problem with the opportunity to write the Sea of ​​Fog alone. The idea of ​​a copy that is different from ordinary people is very good, but you have written so many battles between Sun Huagu and Xinggong? Do you want to show off the normal Dan-formed battle game? For some people who are destined to die soon, what's the use of writing such a long article and no matter how exciting it is? No one will care, okay? I read it from beginning to end in one breath and I felt that this paragraph was too watery. I'm afraid those who are following me will run away early. Just shorten the length. This writing is too detailed. You use my moves and you shine. I will show my trump card And in this copy of Taiyi Jellyfish, when I saw the protagonist planning the location of the training place, I guessed that the fisherman would definitely benefit in the end. There is no problem in writing it longer, but it is mainly about the interaction between the protagonist and other people. Many of them are unnecessary. If this situation continues, it is expected that both books will be the same. To improve your writing level, it still depends on your highest level of telling a story, rather than grasping the breadth of the subject matter. In fact, I collected this book when it first opened last year. It has been 4 months now and I have read 400,000 words, an average of 100,000 words a month. Now I just read it, and my energy is almost gone. I really recommend that you focus on one book, otherwise you will most likely be messing around.

I put away the large one and concentrated on writing this one.

There is nothing particularly attractive, the plot feels mediocre, and I may have higher expectations for the veteran author. Put it on a bookshelf for a while, take a look at it when it's on the shelf, and review it when the time comes.

Don't lick Han Li in the name of business

This is the right aftertaste🤓

Mortals are not suitable for this kind of golden finger, it is too dramatic

I don't understand why I'm still not into Western Fantasy. It's been so long since this book was published and it hasn't even reached the 100th chapter yet. You'll regret it when you lose all your old fan accumulation.

This mortal novel feels like it lacks the sense of struggle. The protagonist has an AI system, and all kinds of skills and secrets in the mortal system can be learned directly. The AI ​​system can help the protagonist learn without having to understand the mortal story, and he also knows the mortal plot. This... In addition to the lack of resources and no backing, the protagonist is really a hero. I feel like I can't stand it. The protagonist has everything. When he becomes stronger, he just goes to collect resources. It's so boring.

The author's writing is obviously much better than other mortal novels, why is it not popular?

"Mortal: Competing with Han Li, winning in learning and cultivating immortality"

A eunuch? Something still delayed me

It's over, that's it

Where have people gone? The large book is also broken Is this because I want to make a fortune and not write novels?

I still have monthly votes left for double voting at the end of the month.

"Mortal Plum Ningxiu Immortal Biography"

It's really not necessary to have a double book, just come up with a book

I got cold silently... In addition, the other book is not an ordinary book.

I can't write anything new. There are too many common people.

Brother, you should come back and write. How can I read a book without you?