Fantasy Girl Falls in Love at First Sight

To be honest, it's okay. The author definitely has his heart in it. The author should have accumulated quite a lot of short story material, and I personally think it would be good to continue writing it down. But... The following is my opinion, based on personal reading experience. I hope the author will just read it, but don't let it affect his creative enthusiasm. It would be better if it helps the author. 1. When I read the first chapter, I had a good impression. Although I have read similar stories, it does not affect my reading experience. After all, this is a relatively rare sight. However, there must be a reason why it is rare: starting with a story usually sets the tone and theme of the first volume or the entire novel, and needs to be echoed and clicked from time to time in the later chapters. If you don't click for a long time, your expectations will be disappointed. If you don't establish other expectations later, it will be uncomfortable to read. When I read it, I thought that the beginning was a foreshadowing of the male and female protagonists, but as of the current 20 chapters, there are not many (I don't pay much attention to details, so I may not notice it, but I hope there is). As I read, I gradually lost interest. I wonder if the author has any ideas? 2. I really don't think the characters are very good. I think the author may need to focus on plot development or polish the dialogue. Let's put it this way, not talking about the characters, but the dialogue between the male and female protagonists, there is no chemistry, it is very ordinary. When I saw it, I just wanted to skate faster. Of course, it may be that my threshold is relatively high, so it's a matter of opinion. Just a few points, such as brother and sister cross talk, the focus is cross talk, I don't think it's very similar, there is no sense of humor. This kind of thing is actually to either establish a good character and marinate the flavor of the character into the words; or the dialogue itself is very fresh and eye-catching, or it is interesting and interesting. The problem is... Neither. In fact, the problem is not big. The main reason is that the title you chose, the author, raised my expectations. I like the second dimension. I have watched the cross talk between Xinhai brother and sister, Zhou Fang Youxi and so on. Although they have sounds and pictures, they are not really comparable to novels. But it was the opening question that raised my expectations, and then I clicked in and my expectations were disappointed. Maybe it would be better if it wasn't this title. The second thing is that when the male protagonist talks to other characters, it is best not to write about "big head" or "exhausted physically and mentally". He is the protagonist, and we, the readers, are acting on his behalf. He has a big head and a tired body and mind, and we have a big head too. He has a headache for his rival character, and we have a headache for him. This emotion directly brought the entire conversation to a standstill. (I think it's a common problem for newcomers.) Of course, this is more due to the alienation between the character and the dialogue. The strong character of the male protagonist as "the world is boring" and "genius" turns out to be a weak position in the dialogue. Regardless of whether the other party is a stunningly beautiful girl, or a sister or relative, it is definitely easy to find the reason, but the perception that should be affected is still affected. It is best not to design this kind of dialogue, or to replace this emotion with specific actions or more appropriate reactions. 3. The rhythm is a bit not good. It's not that the story didn't unfold, but it just felt a bit draggy. I think dialogue should take the blame. Half of the dialogue before entering the mysterious email is really meaningless. Establishing characters, foreshadowing... I can see all of these, but I can't just say that they all have meaning. The character design seems redundant. For example, in the scene between the heroine and the hero, logically speaking, so many dialogues establishing the heroine's character should be an increase in the degree of interpretation of the heroine's character, rather than repeated proofs. To put it simply, it is useless. The ambush pen is not natural enough, or the logic is not smooth. For example, in the very beginning of the conversation, the male and female protagonists had never seen each other before. I don't quite understand the male protagonist's first reaction - "It's unbelievable, I've seen it before, and he forgot about it." Shouldn't it be "I've seen you? Real or fake?" The male protagonist shouldn't have the character to believe whatever others say 😥. I won't go into details if there are any other problems. I think the author can refine it a little when updating subsequent chapters. Recommendations for new books should be based on the retained facts. By the way, you must maintain more than 4,000 words per day. Cutting off and updating less is fatal to new books, and it is best not to rush into updating more (of course readers will definitely want more, but as a new author, you still have to consider it 😏). Okay, these are my thoughts when I read Chapter 20. If it helps, of course it's good. If it doesn't, just let it go. An excessive desire for self-expression will guide the author. In short, I wish the author success in writing his book