Cultivation of Immortality by All: Awakening of Chaos Qinglian at the Beginning

Author, please change the big cleaning part. Your description of the power of the state machine is too weak. You have said that this has been suppressing the people at the bottom. Cut off the country's roots. Think about it, the country is so powerful, how could it suddenly stop like you said, and then the protagonist is threatened by others? Moreover, it has already touched the merits, and it is certain that it can be monitored at the national level. And you are fantasy. Please change it. What you wrote is a bit unreasonable. In reality, if you buy a simulated gun, the gun just comes into your hand and you don't even open it, so it just sticks there. Think about it. You can't write novels like that. Your state machinery is too weak. There's just something wrong with these last two.

Are you sure this is cultivating immortality? How do I look like I'm in kindergarten🙂🙂

You wrote this paragraph very well, but then the ending was rubbish. This highlights that the power of the state machine is very weak, as if it has no power at all.

Alas, I'm really convinced. Is this a family story? He is so awesome that he directly confronts the state. Is the state machine just a backdrop, or is it trash? What I said and wrote was awesome, but the result was hilarious.

What the hell are you writing? It's a mess. It's all over the place. Does it have a theme? It's also a scheming bitch. What the hell? Every word is messy.

Everything else is okay, except that the protagonist feels like a fool

It feels so silly to write, I don't know this or that, is it because there is no such thing as the Internet?

It's just a mix of weird characters that only appear in female videos. It's a noob and has no IQ.

The plot arrangement is a bit retarded. Looking down on the country, looking down on the family, and looking down on the extraordinary power, they just waited for others to cause trouble without any vigilance at all.

The protagonist's aura is too bright, and this can cause trouble

It's so embarrassing that I've played the story of the playboy twice, and twice I was taken directly by others. The data was often too watery for two or three pictures. The protagonist felt like an indigenous person, but you had to time-travel for him.

The story is about mentally retarded people, and the characters are about fools.

It must be the first time for the author to write. The subject matter is okay, the writing is poor, and the logic often conflicts. For example, the writing style is too detailed in the entrance section, such as the student cards, meal cards, dormitories, which floors are in which directions, and so on. It's like my perfunctory diary composition in elementary school. But, author, you are writing a novel that requires people to read and pay for it later. The logical conflict is that the rules of this world are very confusing. The author has no idea. To clarify, if you are writing about the supremacy of force, then it should be based on the size of your fist. If the weak have treasures, they can take it by force. If you are writing about a world restricted by laws and regulations, then you cannot have the protagonist be hijacked or kidnapped by a group of people. However, the embarrassing thing in the article is that there is a patent law to prove that the world is governed by law. On the other hand, the protagonist is arbitrarily coerced and chased in public. It is quite contradictory.

To be honest, the subject matter is very good, but the writing is not good. The logic of the worldview is very confusing. I won't go into details. Every conflict is sudden, fake and illogical.

What kind of thing is it written? An urban slap-in-the-face novel disguised as a fairy tale.

Garbage within garbage, a waste of time

There is a cat in my house, one ear is black, one ear is white, there is white hair on the black ear, and black hair on the white ear. It also has two copper bell-like eyes, one eye has black pupils, one eye has yellow pupils, and a nose like Tesla, with a black nose and a white bridge. There is also a mouth like a Mercedes-Benz, with 6 beards on the left side of the mouth, 6 beards on the right side of the mouth, and 3 under the mouth. The body is covered with tiger stripes, the tip of the tail is white, the limbs are black, the four claws are white, and the chest to the belly are as white as snow without a single hair. It sits like a dog, stands like a tiger, and runs like a leopard, but not like a cat.

It feels like the protagonist is not very good at thinking. He looks like someone who is either crazy or not, thinking wildly and talking to himself.

It is recommended to squeeze out the water in Chapters 10 to 28 and compress it into Chapters 5 to 6.

What is written in chapters 48 and 49! This is a fairy tale, not a city. What's the basic logic?

Author, why don't you just go dark and write that the country is a puppet of a noble family, the seemingly neutral school teacher is a maid whose soul has been taken away, the noble family knows how to seize a body, and seizing a body doesn't cost much, and the purpose of starting the nationwide cultivation of immortality is to find people with good talents to seize the body.

I just went for it, the writing was very high-level, I had already understood the rules, and there were many young and old people in the library, but I was told that I didn't learn any offensive spells. . . The author should not always push the plot forward, but can also decide how the protagonist feels subjectively.

It's okay to write about school, but in the world of immortality, if you write according to the current social safety model, it will be a big problem.