Lord of All People, Mobile City in the Wasteland

1. Too dry, like reading an outline 2. There are too few psychological descriptions, scene descriptions, and side descriptions, as if teleporting from one map to another and then something happened, which tests the reader's imagination. 3. The foreshadowing is blunt, the plot has no ups and downs, and it is too streamlined. 4. Improper details (no details)

The weak sense of immersion is the biggest problem of this book

Since life is shared, it is better for the protagonist to eat up the territory in the later period, directly transform into the world, eat up the territory and eat the system, eat up the system and eat the world, transcendence! (From a novel by Taebaek Sui-kun about Lords of the Nation)

Regarding the first few chapters, it seems that sitting down is really not suitable for doing business, or I have never experienced social beatings. I failed all four times in starting a business, and even owed a lot of debt. I found that my failure was due to the so-called conscience. The failure I just experienced was that I only sold ten yuan for something that cost five yuan. I took other people's goods. Then I I lost 5,000 yuan. I updated sb before. I helped a company to get two orders worth hundreds of thousands, and connected them with the above. I didn't ask for the benefits directly because of my conscience, so they kicked me away. This is the world. Some things and people in ancient and modern times, at home and abroad, are based on direct benefits. They are so straightforward and cruel.

Ask the author if there is one person with prophetic talent in each district. I see that there are many people in your district. There are people with prophetic talent in each district. This number is too many. There are still a few people with prophetic talents who have organized a group of people and let them act as prophets to release news.

，，， It is better to say that it is to gather information about other territories than this. I am speechless, can online shipping be unsafe? Can they follow the network cable to hit you? Even if you say that if you keep shipping, you will be remembered, then you shouldn't ship under the name of your territory. The correct thing is to use your unnamed subject to ship the goods, so that no one knows who you are. Then forget about being a wandering merchant, and still want to sell the territory's specialties? Isn't this self-inflicted? This owl can only be sold in the nearby area, and it is still sold without taking any money. Later, someone discovered that there were few mushroom territory residents nearby, and then you directly bought the territory's specialties. How could you not think of you? Even if there are two channels, it should be for territorial specialties to go online, and strategic or other materials to go offline. To save money, people will worry about buying strategic materials online.

The feeling of a moving city should be that of seeing a giant thing moving on the earth, a shocking and unsettling feeling. Author, you have written almost a hundred chapters. What does your city look like? Mobile little Karami. Even if an aircraft carrier is as big as running on a few wheels on the ground, it may not be very shocking. The protagonist's city can't even reach a mobile building.

1

Will Mobile City be the heroine? Author

Are you kidding me that everyone else has SS-level talents, but the protagonist only has SS-level talents?

It has to be said that the size of this city is calculated entirely on a person-by-person basis, without taking into account the floor space of facilities and factory equipment.

How should I put it? It may be the problem of the new author. The detailed description is too simple. For example, the appearance of the mushroom tower seems not to be mentioned. Some things are not explained except the names. The world view design is vague. I hope the author can work harder💪

I also want to write a book about mobile cities, but I am too lazy and have no plot. But I have thought a lot about the equipment. You either

The first one is selling medicines. You can sell them directly without explanation. If you have to say that you take medicines to maintain 1 radiation, and you find out later, you are no longer a clown. If you sell things like this, who will buy your things later?

Don't talk to yourself, don't just use the protagonist's perspective to describe game functions, unit buildings, etc.

Call of the Deep Type: Sacrifice (the basis of Cthulhu war spells) Function: Obtain effects by sacrificing..., (Basic) Targets within the specified range are continuously judged by SNS value, (Advanced) It has different effects according to the sacrifice to the god (Note: It may be a gift in the eyes of his believers, but it is a distortion in the eyes of normal people) Introduction: Sacrifice your reason, body and everything to get his attention

Mobile City Recommendation: Steel Shell City OakleyS

The author has a small yellow mushroom or a small pink mushroom, which grows and grows until it turns into a small black mushroom 😏

It's better than most mindless articles, but the writing style needs to be improved. It feels like it's just a rough outline and the author's vision, rather than a story that is alive and moving.

I haven't found any bad points so far, it's just that the writing and narrative skills are a bit poor.

Voted

Book owner, let me borrow a precious place to promote my book, thank you. New book: I pursue heroines in the film and television world. The stock of manuscripts is large and the management is full. Investment is welcome. Now write about the world of pretenders.

The experience value is a bit outrageous. The beast tide before and after Chapter 38 has 21.8 Experience points.

AI heroine, it's you, Curtana, why did you come here from Halo?

I like this style and the subject matter