Superdimensional Punishment Bureau

Total score: 76 Author: Hua Yelu Type: Light novel-original fantasy Reviewer: Encounter Number of words read: 100%, 70,000+ Overall comment: Full of creativity, cold writing style, but it needs to be closer to the routine, a relatively excellent Japanese light novel. Summary of the story: Gu Qiu, a young man who is so sane and indifferent, meets a visitor from another world on the subway one day, and by chance becomes a member of an organization that maintains world peace. Detailed comments: Title & introduction: 6/10 The title is of good style but not very eye-catching, but the introduction is wrong and needs further polishing. Now this introduction only explains the title and gives a general introduction to the beginning of the story. The basic elements of the novel are very rigid and do not play a role in highlighting the selling point. I took a look at the introductions of other light novels and found that they were basically a 50/50 split between Sha Diao Feng and Zhang Kuang Feng. The language was light and interesting, and the majority of them were funny. I guess it's because the author, as a newcomer, can't afford to lose face. Type: 5/5 The basic elements of Japanese light novels are sufficient: supernatural powers, campus, magic, facial paralysis, royal sister attack, etc. A novel that can be read as an anime. For the time being, it seems that the light novel genre is still dominated by derivative fan fiction. This kind of original novels from another world obviously lacks traffic, and the data is not expected to be very good. Basic Skills: 12/15 This standardized punctuation/location/sentence pattern is as cute as a little angel! As for the overall writing style... Let me shudder first, it is so cold and restrained. This is not a shortcoming, but the beginning of personal style. When I read it for the first time, I had a vague doubt about why the plot of this youthful and passionate boy comic gave me an extremely calm and distant look. The second time I read it and took notes at the same time, I probably found the reason for this cold writing style. The first is the description of the environment. There are relatively few descriptions of the environment in the article, and the few times they appear are just right, which coincides with the character's mood and is quite effective in shaping the atmosphere. What appears in the author's lens are clearly described factory chimneys, electronic screens, houses, electronic signs, houses and shops, with a strong inorganic texture; the slightly animated ones are also relatively static scenes such as trees, treetops, and lake surfaces; the faces of pedestrians are similarly blurred, like hazy scrolls. A feeling of depressing loneliness arises spontaneously. Then there is the choice of colors in the description of the environment. The color scheme of the picture is extremely monotonous. Black, white and dark blue appear most frequently, while occasional warm colors are light yellow and orange, with more orange. The brightest golden yellow and snow white also form "a strange beauty". This actually reminds me of Monet's "Sunrise Impression" and "Capitol". If we take out a twelve-color standard hue wheel, we will find that dark blue and orange are exactly a pair of complementary colors. When compared, the visual effect is very strong and exciting. In the article, dark blue and orange often appear at the same time, which results in a very interesting color mixture - complementary colors with the same proportion will be blended into pure gray. Therefore, there are actually only three colors used in all the scenes described in the article: white, black and gray. If the author did not choose these colors consciously, then I can only say that this color sense is simply amazing! The second is the time points and weather that are clearly pointed out in the article and have environmental descriptions: most are at dusk, followed by snowy days, and least in early morning. They are all time points with relatively hazy light, which further blurs the environment and further highlights the loneliness of the characters. The cold writing style is also caused by the description of the characters in the article. The character creation is actually quite successful, especially the protagonist. However, there are few descriptions of facial expressions and few psychological activities, which makes the relative position between the characters somewhat alienated. When I analyzed the dialogues of the characters separately, I found a lot of "indifferent", "cold voice", "cold", "careless" and "expressionless", while those relatively lively expressions and actions were preceded by "micro", "slightly", "light", "slightly" etc. Adverbs of low amplitude and degree, as well as "thinking", "silence" and a large number of ellipses, further reduce the speaking speed of the characters during dialogue, which also reduces the interaction between the characters, which is equivalent to building an invisible wall between each character. Although they are all small and fragmented things, when combined together, they become the cold and restrained writing style in front of me, so that the few slightly funny situations in the article are full of cold joke humor. Like I said before, this is not a shortcoming, but a reflection of personal style. If the author did not do it intentionally, it is due to character. The words are as clear as the face, so the author should be more cheerful. Since it is a personal style, it depends on the author's idea whether to forcefully correct it or continue to carry it forward. But this style of writing may not match the overall style of the light novel genre. One last suggestion: control your writing and don't use Japanese translation accents. The most obvious thing is the lot of "...", Such as "It seems like this", "I don't care", "I'm bursting with tears", etc. This is usually the sequelae of the Japanese "...ですね", And it rarely appears in Chinese. logleg in some personal suggestions: adjust the narrative order of the first chapter, add a description of the dream fork in the road at the beginning of the second chapter, move the entire content of the third chapter back or simply hide it. In fact, it is to use camera scheduling to neutralize the gentle and cold writing style. Put the scene at the end of the first chapter - the bloody subway car, the mutilated pedestrian corpses, the hideous monster, the critical crisis, the black flame sword falling from the sky - into the first scene of the opening chapter. For details, please refer to the first episode of the first season of "Sakugan no Shana". The sooner the golden finger appears, the better. The period when the male protagonist is unconscious at the beginning of the second chapter can be used. At the very least, it can be hinted at, or a few strokes can be used as foreshadowing. The team formation content in Chapter 4 has been advanced to Chapter 3. The girl next door and the cooking/game skills display in Chapter 3 will be temporarily hidden unless there is a particularly unshakable reason. The effect of this is to avoid rhythm gaps in the three golden chapters and further strengthen the male protagonist's rational and cold personality (don't rush to add personality profiles to the characters at the beginning of the story, but concentrate on shaping one of the most distinctive characteristics, so that a stronger contrast in personality will be formed later in the story) ), and the conversation between Gu Qiu and Urushihara Suzu in the cafe is still valid, but it will make both readers and Urushihara Suzu feel that Gu Qiu is looking for an excuse to prevaricate, adding a part of the mystery and the person's casual characteristics. Of course, this is also my suggestion, and the current word count is too small. It is not clear how much information is actually included in the opening chapter. The author is welcome to continue the discussion~ Character design: 15/20 The image creation of the male protagonist is extremely excellent, and the cause of the character is reasonable, extra points! The cannon fodder actually has a complete character background introduction, extra points! However, there is no need to introduce too many one-time characters. There is no problem in flattening the secondary characters. (If these characters will appear again in the future, pretend I didn't say it.) The four people in the male protagonist team are not distinct enough in image, which is a loss. Again, this is really a matter of personal style. The author also needs to design clear personality labels for the four people, and vigorously emphasize the external manifestations of these labels - appearance characteristics, language, actions, iconic clothing or colors, mantras, habitual actions, etc. For the time being, it seems that the characters of Gu Qiu, Su Chen and Urushihara Suzu overlap a bit, but Yi Ye is not crazy enough. In addition, try to avoid bloody emotional disputes within the team, which will lower the overall favorability of the team. Finally, the author plans to incorporate popular elements, such as selling a piece of shit! (I promise this is not my personal interest) Yi Ye and Su Chen have an inexplicable match. I can sponsor various developments in friendship! Narrative: 12/20 I have been waiting to see the hero and his team kill everyone in the trial, but in the latest chapter, new cannon fodder appeared, and I was tired. The story of the new cannon fodder is a bit tragic, and it ends up broken, which makes my heart even more tired. The development and sequence of several small battle scenes were handled well, but the exploration and processing of the characters-the protagonist group-psychology/past events were still a bit anxious. For the time being, this article is still at the beginning. It needs compact battle scenes, the display and improvement of strength, the emergence of novel skills and props, and other thrilling plots to attract readers' hearts. The emergence of moods/inner demons/past events means that the pace will be slowed down. Information about characters' past events that can satisfy the human gossip mentality is best unfolded in a hesitant manner, true or false, a little bit at a time. This way it will not affect the overall narrative rhythm of this battle episode (?), But also form another emotional rhythm line that affects the reader's emotions. In addition, for the time being, it takes about two chapters to deal with an enemy (it also includes a background introduction to the enemy). The tension of the battle scenes is somewhat insufficient. Some more thrilling turning points can be added appropriately, and the broken chapters can be dealt with to try to leave a suspense at the end of each chapter. Creativity & Concept: 10/10 There are characters from other worlds and other worlds mixed in, but they are all original. There is no intention of borrowing from the fans to gain popularity. This kind of intention is very rare. Subjective: 8/10 Personally, I still like the male protagonist who is so rational and almost indifferent, so in order to highlight the male protagonist, it is best to pay attention to the sharp contrast with the male protagonist when constructing the surrounding characters. I just mentioned the color issue before, so I will give you a little suggestion. The male protagonist's ability is to control his emotions. The emotions of others are all colored bubbles in his eyes. This can be done in settings. It's common sense that passion is fiery red; but if the passion the male protagonist sees is ice blue, it's a striking and coquettish contrast. Therefore, you can consider adjusting the colors of these emotional bubbles to the point where they are inconsistent with or even completely opposite to everyone's common sense. When describing the scene, boldly use your sensitivity to color. Not only describe the real scene, but also add a little color description of the world in the eyes of the male protagonist, and strive to move closer from Monet to Van Gogh. For example, in the first scene of the opening chapter, if the world in the eyes of the male protagonist is not only the ferocious monsters and the bloody carriage, but also the bubbles of fear that have not yet dissipated, shining like diamonds and shining like rainbows, the scene will be even more gripping.

Damn, are you really not a vest?

How can I put it? This is a good book, but it's not suitable for me.

The book is a good book, but it's not for me.

It is said that good books are hard to find. I never expected to find such a good book "Super Dimensional Punishment Bureau" in the vast sea of ​​books. What a bookworm's luck! This article has great literary talent, gorgeous rhetoric, simple language, fresh writing style, rich emotions, full characters, clear organization, well-structured structure, reasonable plot, ups and downs, vivid and fascinating description, strong artistic appeal, profound meaning, thought-provoking, and long meaning. New literature is thought-provoking and moving; literature is strange, making people fascinated; literature is exquisite, but if you delete a sentence, it will be all in vain; literature is true, the passion touches the stone heart; The theme of this article is clear, the literary sentiments are rich, deeply touching people, and arousing resonance; the clouds and moons of the eight thousand miles have all entered the depths of my soul during reading; the extraordinary literary skills are shown in the ordinary, and it can be said that every word is precious. The diction is gorgeous to create an atmosphere, the idea is novel, the subject matter is original, and the plot is ups and downs and gripping! A must read in this lifetime!

Can we update seven times a day😢

Very nice. Are you really a newcomer?

It seems to be very fluent, and many of the words used make it very immersive to read. It doesn't look like he's a newbie at all. I doubt who opened the trumpet account.

Hi, author, if you are interested in writing a script, please let us know!

The sooner you sign the contract, the sooner you get recommended. The more I write on my own, the less motivated I am.

The initial impression is not bad, wait for the plot to develop more