Kunlun Middle

Here I come~ Although I usually don't read this type of book, I still read it from the most basic reader's perspective First, the accuracy of the wording needs to be improved, sometimes some words feel very abrupt Second, don't use too many water words Third, the character's personality must be described better, you can express it through demeanor, action, and language style Fourth, the plot is very important! ! ! Although you want to lay the groundwork, you also need to connect better.

Already collected and followed, please come back and visit, thank you🙏

Already collected! Come on (ง •̀_•́)ง

Come on, try to update. ✊✊✊ A small comment, the author sometimes has some grammatical flaws, so you should pay attention to it 😊😊

It's quite good. I generally like to read novels, but I'm too lazy to comment. I feel like you didn't handle the details very well. The characters appear randomly and have no characteristics. But if you write it well, you will surely make great achievements in the future, but you must pay attention to the rhythm. In addition, in the first three chapters, is the golden finger a bead? Is there another girl from the world of cultivation?

The beginning can be simplified, like the protagonist escaping to play in an Internet cafe. It has nothing to do with the theme and is dispensable. It is best to briefly mention it, because this is not a good approach and will be troublesome if it is blocked. The next group of outsiders are said to be from the outside world, but there is no distinction between them when they appear. Even if they kill Matt, their identities cannot be reflected. Their communication and behavior are no different from the protagonist's group, and their personal characteristics cannot be seen. You can write about where they come from and how they come. Be more concise and it may be more attractive. Personal opinion, don't comment if you don't like it, come on!

It's here, it looks very smooth, and it will look even better with added plot. Take it.

1. It's very slow and clumsy. I feel that there are too many daily descriptions in the front, and some irrelevant things are also written! 2. Well, also, it feels that the continuity is not strong, of course, only a small part... 3. Oh, the characters created are a bit weird. Of course, you are describing a character that is different from ordinary people, so you can ignore this... It's over.

I'm here to review the book. First of all, you are not connected in many places, and the description of the characters is not enough. For example, when you introduce the characters at the beginning, your part is of no use. You can use it to introduce the characters and their appearance. I know you, this is foreshadowing, so what you laid out in the first place is too fake, and then you entered the school, how did you get in, the class was not even over, and the flow of people came out of nowhere. There is a problem with your next sentence, how can you grow a few people, return to your own class, return to your position, and then you added another sentence, the class is very quiet, shouldn't you walk in and see that it is very quiet? Back to your seat, where are you hosting the event, in the classroom? There isn't even an environment, where is the stage? It's moving too fast, it's boring, just buy a Coke. There are so many people during class time, and the word "crowd" is used. Isn't this an obvious problem? The same goes for the conversation at the end, which was unclear and strange. Okay, that's it. To summarize, there are problems with the plot development, character dialogues, and scenes that are not handled properly. OK

There are still ideas and pursuits, and the story is still attractive. Your skills are a bit lacking. There are only two typos in the introduction. The punctuation of other words in the text is appalling. Also, "adult things have been exposed." Could it be that there are also children's things that have been exposed? I'm confused ヽ（＿；)ノ...～