Under the Sky

Comment: 1. It is best to remove the work-related aspects of the first two chapters. Now that you have explained all the levels and maps, there will be no freshness for the readers. Levels are introduced slowly to leave readers in suspense. Or when it gets a little confusing when the 200th chapter is really written, it would be nice to provide a supplementary explanation. Now, at a glance, you already know what the highest level is, so it's meaningless! 2. Maybe the author has recently watched The Twelve Hours of Chang'an, which used Si Zheng, and pictures. In fact, the Twelve Hours of Chang'an will not be popular unless it is made into a TV series. This kind of text has turned away a large number of readers, and there is no sense of substitution. 3. Naming is very important. There are four main characters in the first two chapters. To be honest, I was trying to remember the names of the protagonists, but I forgot the names of the two siblings. I couldn't pronounce the last word of the names of the two siblings. You can see which protagonist's name is not easy to understand. Nowadays, the readership is mainly students, and writing in vernacular is not required, but at least the name must be catchy. 4. There are a lot of problems with the writing style. I wanted to give you a paragraph review, but I was afraid that I would offend you by saying too much, so I will just give you a few examples: For example, Luo Xiao's brother is named Luo Feng at this time? What does this mean? Maybe he wasn't called Luo Feng before, but readers don't know. Example: Two brothers got up early and entered the spiritual world? Readers don't know where it comes from. Even if you explain it later, readers may not be able to read it! Example: Li Yuanhuan really wants to hug him? I just can't wait to see you? I just feel uncomfortable. Wait, why don't you stop talking while you're reading? 5. The plot, this one is a bit confusing. The readers don't know what the two brothers are going to do. What are the siblings going to do? The assessment is over in half a chapter and has no special features. Why is the voice transmitted into the secret? Why a sword cuts instead of stabbing, etc., Is confusing to people. Maybe the author will explain it later, but many readers have been rejected in the early stage. The above is my comment after reading two chapters. It may be nonsense, but if the author is willing to listen, I suggest rewriting it. You can directly explain the background of the protagonist clearly, and then unfold the plot. Of course, you still need to learn more about the way of expression, otherwise you have a story in your heart, you can't tell it, and we don't know it, so... That's it!

We have received it, we have received it from each other, and we have encouraged each other.

I've read it, it's so well written. I'll save it and read it slowly. I also hope we can pay attention to each other and work hard together.

In fact, if you want to comment, it is better not to give face, the author can bear it.