Searching for Him Thousands of Times in Dreams---Love Is a Thing of the Past

In this world, I have let down someone who loves me deeply. I gave up on Zhong Shaoliang in the past because I couldn't give up on things that are more important than love, such as dignity. Now I can't go back to him because there is something between us that can never be crossed. I have no way to go back in this life, I can only let him down. I have no other choice but to feel guilty for him. I thought it would be like this for the rest of my life, and I almost planned to spend the rest of my life repaying what I owed him. But after so many years, I can still meet you, and I can still meet another person who loves me deeply. I don't want to let you down again. You have done a lot for me, so I just want to be selfish. I also want to be unscrupulous, no matter what happened to the people in the past. I want to start over. Ziqian, no matter whether you really don't love me anymore or not, no matter how sick you are, I hope you won't push me away. Even if I am wishful thinking, I want to be with you, I want to be able to hold your hand until the end. I hope you give me time so that I can say that I love you as much as you love me.