Wisdom Teeth

My own preface - Suddenly, I wanted to climb up one level to the eighteenth level of hell. After staying on the nineteenth level for a long time, I got tired. I was in a trance, and I hated school. I always felt that there was some corrupt breath of death trying to get into my chest with the air, and then occupy my entire heart. I originally wanted to write a comedy novel to practice writing, but it started to get interesting, but I no longer had the energy to continue giving them life, so I finally gave up unwillingly. I haven't dared to sleep for several days in a row, for fear that I would never get up again. Now think about it, is my brain actually dying when I sleep? If you get lazy one day, will you die? I don't want it, I'm afraid of death, my own death, the death of those around me, the pain that goes deep into my bones, I only need to experience that once, I hate that feeling, helplessness, despair. The one who loved me the most just lay quietly like that, taking a corner of my heart with me into the black box, and was buried deeply in the soil. I couldn't help myself, and wouldn't stop because of my crying. My heart is too small, how can it withstand being buried piece by piece? I don't sleep. Compared to last year, it was much quieter, but very familiar, as if I had returned to that period of abandoned childhood. I was too young at that time and didn't know how to hate, except when I was scolded as a wild child by the neighbor boy. But as stubborn as I am, I will also have my own solutions, such as pushing him into the not-so-deep ditch in front of my house, and then looking at his face covered in thorns and scars, I warned him fiercely - tell him to try it, and I will make other children not play with you. Then there was a feeling of satisfaction in my heart, as if my wounded self-esteem was instantly strong. Now that I think about it, it's so stupid. I don't remember much about my childhood. When I was a child, I was afraid of my mother's visits because of my wild and unrestrained nature. There is also happiness. Every day after school, we line up and run with our friends on the thick soil layer, jumping to see who can make the dust fly high under their feet. Or leading the whole class to go skiing on a snowy day, because I just do it if I want to. Maybe I was destined not to be a good student since I was a child, but I am happy. Those children who grew up with their parents, how am I worse than you? Who dares to despise my childhood? My happiness. Now that I have grown up quietly, my childhood life has given me a lot. I learned to be nonchalant and not take things to heart so easily, thus avoiding a lot of unnecessary idleness; I learned to give in and take what I like if others want it, so what if I give it to you? I just need to tell myself that I don't need it; I learned to be cold-blooded and enthusiastic. Cold-blooded is for those things that I hate, and enthusiasm is reserved for those who care about me or those who don't hate me. I learned to wear two masks, one for my friends and relatives to give them warmth, and one for those who don't.