Aren't I Supposed to Be the Love Life Bodyguard for the Male and Female Leads?

[First-person blurb, third-person story]

The things I'm proudest of in my life, besides outperforming expectations on the college entrance exam and getting into a top university, landing a job at the company I most wanted to work for after graduation, and buying a house and a car in a top-tier city while I was still young...

include spending ten years as the love-life bodyguard for my two best friends, helping their romance along.

After transmigrating into my favorite novel, I found the male and female leads were two miserable little things. It was hard not to feel a surge of maternal affection and want to help them get through their hardships and end up together sooner.

Rescuing the heroine from her toxic family, encouraging the hero when he was at his lowest, and playing matchmaker for them? Easy.

During Chi Zhuoxiu and Du Yanqiu's three years of high school, I covered for them, and the teachers never found out.

During their four years at university, I organized trips every holiday so they could keep their long-distance relationship going.

Now, in my third year at work, I thought the two of them had invited me out again to announce the happy news that I would be their bridesmaid.

Instead, they told me they'd broken up.

Then they each asked to see me separately and said that the person they really loved was me.

My best girlfriend and my beloved son both... love... me.

Me: "...Huh?"

Warnings:

1. That's right, this is a polyamorous story. Both men and women like the heroine.

2. The heroine is bisexual. Yes, that's right, bisexual, the kind everyone loves to hate.

3. The relationships are messy and dramatic, but both of them have loved only the heroine from the start.

4. The author thought that still wasn't messy enough, so I added a second male lead. He's only a friend, here to stir things up. I want to see blood in the streets!

5. This story is full of strange things: utterly unhealthy relationships and deeply troubled characters. If you've read the warnings and still clicked in, be ready to run at any moment. If it gets to you, run, run, run!

6. It's actually a comedy. Really.

Theme: Love is about becoming a better version of yourself.