I Think I've Fallen in Love with a Me Who Doesn't Exist

She isn't a "patient." She has simply fallen in love with the ideal version of herself.

Fallen in love with a

Handsome version of herself

Uninhibited version of herself

Lively version of herself

Smiling version of herself

Crying version of herself

Hardworking version of herself

Confident version of herself

Brave version of herself

Version of herself who dares to face her mistakes

Version of herself who dares to break the shackles of marriage

Version of herself who fears no challenge from fate...

"What's your name?"

"Xie, Xie..."

"Thank you?"

"Xie Luo."

"The spring sun slants beside the Luo River Bridge; emerald waters flow gently over jade-like sand... That's quite a lovely name."

"Really?"

"Mm. It's just that it doesn't sound much like a girl's name..."

"..."

"Still, it's a powerful name!"

Little fish, little fish, swim along, swim into the whale's belly. The whale will protect you.

Mom will always watch over Yanbao...

I never set out to create a perfect person. I simply wrote about a timid, insecure yet intelligent, beautiful, and extraordinary girl. Xie Luo is the only heroine in this book. She was born into a contradictory and violent family, and her guilt over her mother made her blame herself for everything that went wrong. Throughout childhood, middle school, and even high school, she was always alone. Afraid of the dark, she thought she was being silly; deprived of affirmation and beaten for so long, she came to see every beautiful thing in the night as a "monster," a man-eating devil, or a bee. She never knew she had persecutory delusions. She took everything other people did as veiled attacks directed at her. Because she grew up in such an environment and was starved of love, she believed even other people's gentle looks or words meant to sow discord.

Perhaps Heaven didn't want her to remain in the dark forever, so Yue Mingxi appeared. She wasn't someone else. She was the person Xie Luo longed to become: confident, optimistic, intelligent, beautiful, generous, brave, rebellious, kind, and indifferent to gossip. She was Xie Luo's ideal self. From that day on, the lonely shadow was illuminated. But just as life kept getting better, Xie Luo fell uncontrollably in love with someone who didn't exist. She dreamed of the two of them whispering cheek to cheek, tried things she had never dared to try, made friends, and learned new things. Then one sudden day, perhaps one she hadn't even noticed, she realized Yue Mingxi didn't exist. Or perhaps she had noticed from the very beginning, in the shadow, but chose to believe: believe Yue Mingxi was real, believe that she herself could get better.

From beginning to end, Yue Mingxi existed only in Xie Luo's world. Xie Luo had always thought the changes came from Yue Mingxi's arrival, and she was unwilling to wake from this grand fairy tale. Yes, she wanted to break the rules and be with Yue Mingxi. But Yue Mingxi was ultimately a "dream," and even their interactions had been created by Xie Luo. Yue Mingxi didn't want her to fall into obsession again, so she chose to let Xie Luo "kill" her. Xie Luo watched helplessly as that beautiful version of herself put on a wedding dress and got married in the world she saw, in a wedding that looked harmonious but was not. After being betrayed, she would shout, "I'll kill you!" without a second thought. Yue Mingxi used self-defense to break the shackles of marriage, but left her most beautiful side for the version of Xie Luo who kept growing. By sacrificing herself, she helped Xie Luo wake up.

Xie Luo was reborn. She was no longer afraid of devils or bees, and no longer lived timidly. She was free to follow her heart. Xie Luo killed off the meek, self-effacing version of herself. Once she had truly become herself, she left. After Yue Mingxi departed, she left behind a letter of advice for Xie Luo. In truth, the Yue Mingxi who existed only in Xie Luo's mind had long since fallen in love with her strong self. But she couldn't be with her. She was merely a spark Xie Luo had created in the darkness, and she was destined to go out.

Yue Mingxi's appearance merely turned the dark world of demons into a fairy tale. Xie Luo's true growth came when she left that hidden paradise and found herself.

Theme: Redemption