HP's Gold-Star Teacher, but Everyone's a Villain

Harry Potter has a secret: he has a whole lot of teachers.

Teacher No. 1, Kibutsuji Muzan: I hear you have magical plants and magic that grants immortality here. Harry, is it? ... Good boy, first learn alchemy properly, make a Philosopher's Stone, then find the blue Spider Lily.

Little Harry, who just started elementary school: ?

Kibutsuji Muzan: First, memorize this entire alchemy encyclopedia.

Little Harry: ??

Kibutsuji Muzan: Once you've memorized it, I'll help you beat up that pig of a cousin.

Little Harry: ! Wait, that's not a good idea.

Kibutsuji Muzan: Tsk, what a hassle. Daki, keep an eye on him while he studies. Everyone else, go find the blue Spider Lily.

Upper-Rank demons: Hm?

Daki: Can I eat it?

Kibutsuji Muzan: No. Never mind, Nakime, you stay too. Kaigaku, you as well. (There's no point in you going along.)

Teacher No. 2, Mahito: Huh? A talking statue? Go on, ask it, ask it! Do you think the soul changes the body, or the body changes the soul?

Harry, just starting school: ... Do you see a soul in it?

Mahito: I do.

Harry: Then why don't you find out for yourself?

Jogo: Why are you looking at me?

Harry: Can you brew potions? You look like you know how. Hand over your head.

Hanami: Why did you pull it out? It's still a baby!

Harry: I'm repotting it.

Hanami: You're hurting it!

Harry: My ears hurt more.

Teacher No. 3 is coming through the time tunnel. Adult Harry shoves him right back in, his face cold and unimpressed: Tsk, every single day...

Theme: Can villains teach children to be good?