I Talked King Zhou into Letting Me Live

This story came from a wild idea. It's now complete, and the System is undergoing maintenance. Also known as The Tyrant's Care Manual: Rules for Surviving as a Movie Star in a Shang Dynasty Full of Villains

▼ A modern office worker transmigrates to the Shang Dynasty in a magical realist comedy ▼

You, an unlucky soul who hadn't even finished enjoying the blessings of the 996 work schedule, suddenly transmigrate into a Shang Dynasty charlatan. Faced with Chaoge, a truly man-eating city (System's friendly reminder: Dear, human sacrifice is a state-level project in the Shang Dynasty!), you pat your empty mana bar, look at the blood dripping from the bronze axe at the tyrant's waist, and decide to put your lifetime of acting skills to use in one place: convincing King Zhou to become a love-struck fool!

#Character Guide# (Everyone's a villain edition)

You: Appears immortal and dignified, but is actually panicking like crazy. A movie star who relies on Baidu Encyclopedia to fake supernatural powers (actual acting ability: zero)

King Zhou: A deranged beauty who treats the punishment of being roasted alive as morning exercise (Note: "beauty" refers specifically to what he looks like when killing people)

Ji Dan: A scheming top student with eight hundred tricks up his sleeve (the second male lead's performance in the art of playing innocent)

Bo Yikao: A sacrificial lamb with an aura that says "come and hurt me," the perfect white moonlight to be offered up (Is this guy really going to turn into meat paste? Help, I'm waiting online!)

Wei Ziqi: A villainous lapdog who specializes in handing people knives (but the knife always ends up stabbing him)

Di Yi: The unlucky former king whom the protagonist kills with a divination curse (spoiler warning)

▼ Today's Workplace Survival KPIs ▼

Morning: Pass off the weather forecast as turtle-shell divination (System: 30% chance of rain today... Wait, I'm frozen!)

Noon: Teach the artisans how to build an irrigation channel (blueprints provided by the System shortly before its demise, incomplete structural drawings)

Night: Be the tyrant's human sleeping pill (just sleeping, literally)

Bonus scene: About the missing fox

System: "Missing Su Daji script detected. Find a replacement immediately."

You: "Can we use a wild fox from the roadside?"

King Zhou: (suddenly appears) "My beloved minister, what are you looking for?"

You: "...A lucky omen worthy of the king's wisdom!"

#Reader's Guide#

Also known as A Hundred Ways to Stay Alive Under a Tyrant

This is not a traditional wish-fulfillment story. The protagonist gets promoted and earns a raise through fraud.

Romance: Two con artists uncover each other's secret identities, then uncover so much they end up in bed.

Career: From pretending to be a spirit medium to becoming a true deified hero (System: Insufficient battery to load ending)

Historical note: Archaeological evidence for all the outrageous events in this story, such as cannibalism, has been found at Yinxu.

The secret to the happy ending: When the tyrant discovers that you're more fun than killing people... (Don't panic when he pins you to the altar by the waist. This is the Shang Dynasty version of romance.)

My writing isn't very good. I write purely for my own amusement, hoping to make you and me smile. If it isn't to your taste, please be gentle.

Theme: Staying alive is victory.