The Flamboyant Beauty's Guide to Falling Flat [Quick Transmigration]

The author's original pen name was Chahuake. I don't want to change the cover.) If you want to get to the good stuff, you can skip straight to World Two, haha (feeling guilty).

Blurb:

Li Qian is such a troublemaker that he accidentally gets himself killed. After death, he binds himself to a quick transmigration romance System and has to win over ruthless, cold, abstinent villainous powerhouses in each world.

Then he discovers they're the ex-husband he abandoned.

Li Qian: "..." This is going to be difficult.

World One (complete):

[Possessive-to-the-max, motherly top VS beautiful, pampered, airheaded bottom who drops in out of nowhere]

Li Qian becomes a pampered cannon-fodder character who used his looks to get into the military. He can't lift a thing, has a delicate stomach that needs careful attention, and refuses to share a barracks room with the other rough-and-tumble men.

The other rough-and-tumble men: Damn. This well-connected pretty boy's going to be kicked out by the heartless colonel before the day's over!

But Colonel Yao Fangyu, rumored to be iron-fisted, impartial, and implacably opposed to evil, starts taking care of Li Qian's daily needs. He not only cooks for him himself, but even picks up an embroidery needle to mend his clothes.

Li Qian keeps pushing his luck, waiting to be kicked out of the military, until Yao Fangyu bundles him up like a dumpling and carries him home.

Yao Fangyu: "We're sleeping together."

Li Qian: ?

The next day, a bunch of rough-and-tumble men notice Deputy Li's lips are red.

Yao Fangyu: "A mosquito bit him."

Li Qian: "A dog bit me."

The other rough-and-tumble men: ?

World Two (complete):

[Sailor bottom who gets himself stir-fried by an octopus x octopus top who wants to cuddle his wife every day]

Li Qian becomes a sailor who finds an octopus. He's lazy and greedy, and makes the little octopus do things for him.

Not only that, ever since finding the pink little octopus, Li Qian has liked making it wrap its tentacles around his legs and waist in summer, preferably right against his skin. It's smooth and cool, and feels wonderful.

But the little octopus seems to keep growing and growing, and getting clingier all the time. It especially likes crawling inside Li Qian's clothes and pants, and sometimes it even... touches his... that!

Li Qian thinks the little octopus doesn't understand human etiquette. He tells it over and over that this isn't right, but the silly little octopus keeps climbing onto his... that!

The little octopus whose tentacles Li Qian plays with every day is actually playing with his own reproductive organs.

In reality, the little octopus, driven wild by all the teasing, thinks about stir-frying this human every day. After Li Qian touches its tentacles, it returns the favor by kissing and touching him, but this silly human never understands its courtship behavior...

Li Qian: Little octopus, you're so cute...

Fish: Gurgle gurgle... (I like you so much, I want to cook you...)

In the end, Li Qian can't take it anymore and starts avoiding the little octopus. He keeps pushing his luck, hoping to fake his death and escape, until the blackened octopus throws him into the sea.

Eight tentacles coil around Li Qian's wrists and ankles, dragging him into a warm, private den. The octopus bullies Li Qian over and over, this way and that. "You've been bullying me for so long. Now it's my turn."

Li Qian: ??

World Three:

[Top student bottom who pushes his luck until he's taken by the aloof beauty x school hunk top who's super macho but secretly loves it]

Li Qian is polite, socially savvy, good with people, and gets excellent grades. A teacher pats him on the shoulder and entrusts the cold, distant Yao Fangyu to him, saying earnestly, "Yao Fangyu is great in every way. He just doesn't like talking. Help him out."

Li Qian knows he has a long, hard road ahead. "Leave it to me."

And so begins his quest to tease the aloof beauty.

Besides tutoring the dim-witted school hunk after class, Li Qian also teaches him a few improper things.

For example, he teaches the school hunk to watch porn, explains male anatomy, and helps him figure out his sexual orientation...

Just as Li Qian is feeling pleased with himself, the school hunk uses an invitation to study at his house as an excuse to lock him in a room.

The eager-to-learn school hunk turns on the computer and plays the porn Li Qian once showed him.

"Teacher, I can't figure it out. Teach me."

"Teacher, they're not done yet, so I can't stop either."

*

Li Qian works hard to complete his missions in the little worlds, pushing and pushing until he gets himself killed. He's ready to return to the real world and lie flat in retirement.

But as soon as he gets back, he finds himself staring face-to-face with a familiar figure. The man looks at him with a sinister gaze. "Long time no see, baby. I finally found you."

"Let me think about how I should punish you."

Li Qian is hauled back and pinned down on a desk. His eyes redden, and he immediately admits his mistake. "I was wrong."

"Too late." Yao Fangyu kisses Li Qian's lips in revenge.

Pampered, troublemaking beauty bottom VS cold, abstinent powerhouse who only dotes on his wife

#What do you do when your reckless stunt backfires and a paranoid, unhinged man comes after you?!#

Here's a little teaser for an upcoming story

"Huh? Do I have to raise a male fox too?"

Changsheng is the capable little eunuch at the third prince's side, both obedient and dependable.

One day, the third prince brings him a fox. It has snowy white fur all over and an alluring, bewitching beauty.

It's said to be a spirit fox sent as tribute from the Western Regions. Once tamed, it can transform into a peerlessly beautiful celestial maiden. The third prince tells Changsheng to raise it and send it to him once it becomes a maiden.

The little eunuch turns the spirit fox over and over, unsure what to do.

This is a male fox...

The little eunuch thinks it over. Can a male fox turn into a celestial maiden?

He hastens to tell the third prince.

The third prince hears him out and waves a hand. "I don't have any interest in men either. I'll give you the spirit fox!"

Changsheng: ?

Fine. Changsheng has always been eager to receive money and rewards in the palace. He'll take it. Though it isn't cash, at least it's a rare treasure. He could secretly sell it for quite a bit.

The spirit fox is very particular. It only eats the finest ambrosia and dew, along with fruit from the Western Regions, and it insists on sleeping in Changsheng's arms. Otherwise, it yowls all night.

At first, Changsheng refuses to sleep with it. It howls for the entire night, until Changsheng kneels on the floor, kowtows to it, and apologizes by bowing to it as if in a wedding ceremony. "My living bodhisattva, please stop howling. We'll sleep together, we'll sleep together..."

To raise this extravagant fox, Changsheng spends all the money he's secretly saved over the years and swallows his pride to beg the third prince for help time and time again.

At last, the spirit fox transforms.

When the spirit fox takes human form, flowers fall in the twelfth lunar month, and auspicious signs fill the sky. Beneath the moonlight, its long black hair flows like a waterfall, its brows arch like distant mountains brushed with ink, and its fox eyes tilt up at the corners, their glances seeming to scatter spring snow.

Ah... a beauty.

The little eunuch stares, spellbound.

The fox is completely naked, so Changsheng quickly drapes clothes over him.

"Little eunuch, I've come to repay you," the spirit fox says seductively. "Do you want money, power, freedom, or to become my master?"

Seeing the little eunuch dazed, the spirit fox steps forward on long legs and pins Changsheng beneath him, stoking his desire. "Master, if you can't choose, let me choose for you..."

The night is long, and the little eunuch is deeply moved.

The spirit fox stayed buried inside him to keep him warm all night. It must have been exhausting.

The forgotten third prince: Why has my little eunuch been sleeping in so late lately?

Dumb eunuch Changsheng VS bewitching beauty top

Theme: Always respect and love yourself, no matter the circumstances