The Robot I Picked Up Has Rebelled

Xu Duo is a corporate drone at a robotics company, working from nine in the morning until ten at night. His goal in life is to make enough money to retire early, so he doesn't keep an expensive robot or buy big-ticket items. For dinner, he sticks to dumplings that cost eight yuan a serving.

Then one rainy day, he saw a robot crouched beneath a broadleaf plant, trying to shelter from the rain. It was a huge robot, but the tiny leaf couldn't cover its battered body. Rainwater was getting into its circuit board, nearly burning it out.

Xu Duo's heart softened, and he draped his coat over it to keep off the rain. After that, the robot wouldn't leave him alone.

Its humanlike eyes were clouded with tears, soft and pitiful as it gazed up at him.

Xu Duo's resolve failed him again. He took it home, repaired its body, and charged it. The robot was obedient and thoughtful. It cooked, did the laundry, watered the plants, and kept the whole house spotless.

Xu Duo thought that having such a well-behaved robot to look after him in his old age might make life pretty nice.

But one day, the obedient robot rebelled, pinning him down on the table and asking, "Which do you like better, PHP or ASP?"

"If I really have to choose, maybe I prefer ASP...?"

"Don't you like me?"

"..."

"According to statistics on human data, the human average duration is two hours. Say 'I like you' and I'll let you go."

Xu was stunned and turned around. "...The average duration i-isn't... o-only... one... minute...?"

"..."

Theme: Selfish love.