A Mythos Investigator with Maxed-Out Charm

Ode Douglas, an outstanding graduate of Miskatonic University's political science department. For certain *unspeakable* reasons, he misses his government job interview and ends up as... an agent investigator. For that same unspeakable reason, Ode, still holding his aching back: “...With all due respect, I was expecting a civil service job.” “If you'd looked at my résumé, you'd know how terrible I am at sports.” “Me, an agent? ...Does this job come with a trip to the grave?” The director who hired Ode against the rules takes a puff of his cigar. “Why do you think the examiner stopped you? Because you have long legs?” “You have an allure rating that breaks the scale. When dealing with those monsters, you won't need to do any physical labor at all. You can put your professional skills to good use: deception, concealment, persuasion, and manipulation.” Ode: ...Those aren't the professional skills of a political science major. ...Probably. Having just escaped an unwanted marriage, and with no money in his pockets, Ode has no choice but to strap on a holster and begin his journey of deception... I mean, political persuasion. And so. In an unknown stretch of ocean. Bare-chested, with a crown of thorns placed on his head by Cthulhu himself, Ode grips the helm with both hands and rams the runic tip of his ship into the Lord of R'lyeh as it rises from the sea! #Unlucky ex-husband +1# In the black Pharaoh's pyramid, sunk in blood and quicksand. Wearing nothing but a white veil, Ode stands behind the altar, smiling as the splendid, arrogant avatar of the Outer God of Delight approaches. Then he tears the contract inscribed on the altar to shreds! #Unlucky ex-husband +2# In a Broadway theater caught between the cracks of time and space. With a golden cup between his lips, Ode feeds wine mixed with [Order's vintage] to a stunned, helpless believer. The moment the King in Yellow descends into his vessel, Ode summons the gaze of the avatar of the Supreme God of Chaos! #Unlucky ex-husband +3# Though his work always has him dancing on the edge of life and death, Ode gradually becomes more capable, and even starts to enjoy it. Until one day, someone (??) knocks on the door of his hideout. Good news! His dead/trapped ex-husbands have come looking for him! Even better news: there's more than one of them. Ode: “…” So here's the question: How can he kill... ahem, send away this bunch of vengeful evil gods? Help, urgently! ###Warnings Before Reading### 1. The protagonist studied political science and is now an agent, so he's got all the right buffs and is a bit of a gentlemanly beast. He can get pretty uninhibited during missions, if you know what I mean. But it's all in service of completing the mission, and in the end he'll kill his husbands without mercy. This story could also be called #Widower Simulator# (not really). 2. The same characters have different versions in different writers' works, including Chambers, Lovecraft, Derleth, and Lin Carter. You don't need to know anything in advance to read this. In fact, don't use earlier writers' characterizations to define this story, or you might miss out on the fun! This story also has its own interpretations, with only one basic rule that cannot be broken: [Entities from the Cthulhu Mythos can only be sealed or killed by entities of equal or greater power.] 3. The endgame pairing is Yog-Sothoth, the Ruler of Time and Space and the All-in-One. He's the unlucky ex-husband who came before Cthulhu. Theme: There will always be a cause worth dedicating your life to. The greatest glory in this world belongs to those who persevere.