Synopsis
Yifu was brought home by Qin Shian, and Qin Shian was the one who raised her.
She was eleven then, and he was fifteen.
Qin Shian was born to a noble family. He readily accepted the marriage arrangement made by his elders. After all, an alliance between great houses could only bring benefits, and he had no reason to refuse.
He raised her. He loved her. But the trouble was, he had fooled everyone, himself included.
How could he possibly love her?
After being brought to his estate, Yifu was raised according to the standards for a highborn young lady. She learned to read, learned proper etiquette, and learned about human relationships and the wickedness in people's hearts. She owed all of it to Qin Shian.
He had raised her to have high self-esteem and be highly sensitive.
She depended on him, and she was reliant on him, because Qin Shian had remade her bit by bit, starting with her name.
But it wasn't enough. She needed more than food and warm clothes. She wanted freedom. She wanted true love.
Yifu had no intention of becoming a woman in the inner quarters, waiting day and night to be favored. If Qin Shian hadn't brought her back, if she were still the person she used to be, she might really have accepted a few taels of silver a month and become a clinging flower.
But the truth was that Qin Shian didn't love her. There was also that betrothal, and his plainly unkind, unvirtuous fiancee. One day, she might be harmed before she even saw it coming.
Forget it. She couldn't afford to gamble in this game of the powerful. She was terrified. There was no way she wouldn't run.
Doesn't her life matter too?
Don't stake your entire heart and soul on a man. Qin Shian had taught her that, too.
So Yifu humored Qin Shian with false affection. He could call her ungrateful all he liked. If he didn't love her, then so be it. Her own well-being mattered most.
The Yifu Qin Shian had raised could create a newer, more independent Yifu for herself.
When Qin Shian caught Yifu, another man was holding her hand tightly. Furious, he told himself that she was still young and naive, and it was only natural that someone had tricked her into falling for him.
Of course he didn't love Yifu. He just felt he'd failed in this one part of her upbringing. He only meant to use a few little tricks to teach her properly: people shouldn't be of two minds.
Qin Shian had never taught her that. That damn man must have sweet-talked her into it.
He would clean up the mess for her, but she could forget about leaving.
When the day came, Qin Shian placed a knife in Yifu's hand and told her that unless she killed him, he would never let her go.
He had assumed women were softhearted, but he had forgotten that teaching someone too well could have its drawbacks.
Yifu was almost another version of him. She was no longer timid and submissive. She loved herself enough, shone brightly enough, and saw things clearly enough. And the knife in his chest did not lie.
He had had things go his way for too long, and had forgotten all about that.
Yifu still got what she wanted.
One day, two days, three days...
Qin Shian couldn't take it anymore. This wasn't just withdrawal. He needed Yifu, so he went to find her.
He told her he loved her.
But Yifu didn't believe him.
Had he gone mad?!
Could he stop pretending already?
A taste of the sweet stuff ahead:
① They will both be each other's first and only in the end. The heroine has a few minor intimate moments with other characters, but nothing goes all the way. There's angst and satisfying moments, and the angst can run high or low.
② An alternate-history setting with a mishmash of customs and official systems. Most details have been researched, but there's no need to be overly exacting.
③ Four-year age gap. Neither lead has a strong moral compass, and they're both pretty crazy. The heroine is self-interested, the hero is pragmatic, and their moral boundaries are hard to guess. I never intended them to be paragons of virtue. (The author's values are perfectly normal.)
④ BDSM fiction, with some training, a chase-the-wife-back dynamic, intense angst, and plenty of confrontation. They really do go all out, no fake-outs.
⑤ The male lead truly, deeply, desperately loves her, but he's courteous on the surface and arrogant in his thinking. He's so presumptuous and stubborn that he refuses to admit it. The heroine is mentally half-controlled and dependent, half yearning for independence and freedom. She can pretend and put on an act. There are love rivals, and she's a sweet-looking but sinister type, while the male lead is dark and somewhat obsessive.
⑥ I hope my words have power.
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Theme: There's no one in this world who isn't crazy
