Madness on a Schedule

[Coming Soon: The Manual for a Worthless Demon Lord's Redemption] The blurb is at the very end. Please add it to your favorites! (*/w\*)

[Wrapping up the ending]

[Sweet-faced, dark-hearted top × dark-hearted, sweet-faced fun-loving bottom]

#Mutual mental illness

#Your nemesis is not supposed to become your wife!

Also known as: How Do I Deal with My Nemesis Kissing Me Right Before He Dies?!

Xie Xingchen is a notorious liar, infamous throughout the cultivation world. He's best at telling people whatever they want to hear, and even ghosts whatever they want to hear. His countless victims include:

"He tricked me into using up all my magic treasures to protect him, then turned around and solved everything with a single talisman!"

"I didn't want to get fooled by him, but his voice is just so lovely QAQ."

While his victims were tearing their hair out in anguish, Xie Xingchen was living high on the hog, thanks to all his scams.

That is, until one day, he crossed paths with another menace nobody dared provoke.

Xie Xingchen tried to fake an accident and extort him.

The menace said nothing, refused to play along, and stabbed him.

*

Yin Zhaowen was a deity sealed away for ages, so long that all three realms had forgotten him. The moment he was unearthed, he ran into Xie Xingchen causing trouble.

When his extortion attempt failed, Xie Xingchen had no choice but to bind himself to his nemesis with a blood contract.

The little con man had come prepared, rubbing his hands together: To deal with your nemesis, naturally you have to disturb his peace, take his powers, and steal his heart...

Wait, something doesn't seem right.

The haunted village beyond the cycle of reincarnation:

Surrounded by evil spirits as far as the eye could see, Xie Xingchen gripped his talismans, braced for battle. "There are so many evil spirits here. We need to figure out a way to lure them away..."

He turned and saw his nemesis strolling leisurely down the empty street.

Xie Xingchen: "..."

Wait, why are the evil spirits chasing only me and not you?!

The burial shroud that knocks at midnight:

A dead man's clothes haunted the town at night, keeping everyone from wealthy merchants to county officials on edge.

The two men were staying in an abandoned house when they heard a knock. Yin Zhaowen casually opened the door.

The dead man's clothes: .

The dead man's clothes stood stiffly at attention.

Xie Xingchen watched in disbelief as the shroud that had terrorized the whole town stood there awkwardly. Under Yin Zhaowen's casual gaze, it carefully served him a cup of tea.

The deserted city covered in upside-down blessings:

Looking at the red paper strewn everywhere, Xie Xingchen earnestly reasoned things through with the others, but they were at a loss. "There's something strange about this place. It probably has something to do with a deity. It'll be difficult for us to get out of here unscathed."

Yin Zhaowen: "I'll handle it."

Xie Xingchen: "?"

What are you going to handle? The evil spirits? Are you going to get us out of here? Or deal with the anomaly?

Wait, nobody told me you were going to deal with the deity directly?!!

Xie Xingchen was stunned. This wasn't some nemesis he was at odds with. This was a golden ticket sent by the heavens!

He had to keep such a treasure by his side and make sure he didn't get away!

So when the nemesis he'd just offended held a knife to his throat, Xie Xingchen beamed and deliberately taunted him with honeyed words:

"Well? Now I'm yours."

Yin Zhaowen: "..."

Yin Zhaowen slowly lowered his knife. "Really?"

Xie Xingchen: "?"

Yes, yes, yes. Wait, no, no, no.

*

Yin Zhaowen had once seen Xie Xingchen as an astonishingly gifted genius, bright and pure as the moon, untouched by worldly dust. He had also seen him crushed into the dirt, on his knees amid a field of corpses, begging and weeping for mercy just to survive.

Only Yin Zhaowen had ever witnessed him so utterly broken, his pride shattered.

He thought he would hate Xie Xingchen to the bone. Yet amid the flames filling the sky, he could only watch as the man grew cold in his arms.

He didn't know how long he knelt that day. He only knew his eyes were bloodshot as he held the man and repeated over and over, "I don't want you to die..."

The world said that the god in the highest heavens had gone mad. No one knew how long he had burned himself in the fires of the underworld, holding that cold body, before tearing open a rift between the three realms and bringing him back to the mortal world.

"I ask for neither a lifetime as your partner nor a love that lasts three lives without regret. I only ask to walk with you through all the hardships of this life, even along the narrow road to the underworld."

"From now on, you won't have to face any of the world's suffering alone."

Little bonus scene:

The little con man, having been caught out, reluctantly offered compensation. "Wasn't this supposed to be a partnership? Tell me, what do you want?"

Xie Xingchen squeezed his eyes shut and steeled himself:

It could only be money, powers, magic treasures, or...

"I want to see you cry."

The tall man leaned slightly toward him, his pale fingertips brushing his cheek. His voice was cool and clear as he repeated, one word at a time:

"I want to see you cry."

"..."

Help, why is my nemesis looking at me like that?

[Coming Soon: The Worthless Demon Lord's Redemption]

Fake-cold, secretly flirtatious Daoist top × talkative, sickly beauty bottom

"May you be swallows beneath the rafters, meeting year after year."

"Song of Long Life: Spring Banquet"

Yan Xuanyi was a peerless prodigy, bright and pure as the moon, and a revered sect immortal. Yet he was branded a demon and cursed by all, ultimately meeting his end with his soul scattered and his body lost.

When he awoke again, all his cultivation was gone, and he was a sickly wretch who coughed blood every few steps and could barely stand.

Worse still, rumors said the new immortal honored by the sects was mercurial and hated evil, eager to tear him limb from limb.

Yan Xuanyi: "..."

What rotten luck.

After escaping the demon's lair, he should have turned evil, fallen into demonic ways, and torn limb from limb all those who had once pushed him into the abyss, sending them tumbling into it as well...

None of that happened.

Yan Xuanyi said cautiously, "Actually, being a lazy fish isn't so bad."

When news spread that the new sect leader had suffered a terrible disaster and the great demon was back, the genuine, notorious demon lord everyone feared had opened a little teahouse and was happily living the lazy life of a couch potato.

Until one day, a blood-soaked cultivator staggered through his door and held a sword to his throat.

*

Shen Sui was the most upright and merciless immortal sect leader in a century. He had died in a calamity a hundred years ago and was reborn with no memories, only a vague sense that he needed to find someone from his past.

During his tribulation, he was framed and, covered in blood, stumbled through the door of a teahouse. There he came face-to-face with a breathtakingly beautiful, sickly young man who could barely stand.

The beauty sobbed, "Please spare me! I'll do anything!"

Shen Sui: "It's a misunderstanding... Wait, you'll do anything?"

*

Yan Xuanyi thought he had hit the jackpot.

The Daoist he'd found for free cooked for him, made his bed, kept him safe, and helped clean up every mess he made.

The only problem was that, despite wearing a face that looked utterly dispassionate, the Daoist agreed to every one of Yan Xuanyi's teasing remarks, then did everything he was and wasn't capable of doing.

Yan Xuanyi gritted his teeth and rubbed his sore back. Worth it!

But secrets never stay hidden forever. On the eve of his identity being exposed, Yan Xuanyi left without a word.

When he stood before the silent abyss, with demons bowing and countless ghosts gathering, facing off against the great immortal sects, a familiar figure pushed through the crowd and grabbed his hand.

Yan Xuanyi: Oh no. He's here to collect on my debts of affection.

Yan Xuanyi put on a cold face. "Shen Sui, you know you're not worthy..."

The cultivators behind Shen Sui dropped to their knees. "We welcome the immortal honored one back to the world!"

Yan Xuanyi: "...Who?????"

Oh no! He's here to take my life!

But the immortal honored one, so bright and pure that he seemed untouched by the world, now stared at him with bloodshot eyes and said, each word deliberate:

"Yan Xuanyi, I've suffered so much trying to find you."

Yan Xuanyi: "..."

Maybe I can still clear my name.

"You don't need to look for that person anymore.

"Also, long time no see."

Yan Xuanyi was once the peerless prodigy coveted by every immortal sect and the immortal honored one worshipped by all. Then, overnight, he fell into the dirt, was stripped of his immortal bones, and cursed by everyone, who would have happily stabbed him ten thousand times to keep him down forever.

It was as if his pride really had been shattered. He had walked the road to the underworld, covered in blood and unable to struggle, then dragged his broken, sickly body into obscurity for more than a century.

The immortal sects treated him as a pawn, but he was determined to overturn the board that had become a net trapping the world.

In the end, he would take up that sword again, to suppress evil spirits and point it at the Heavenly Way.

"The Heavenly Way is unjust, and the immortal realm lies in chaos. I will tear open the long night, fight my way through all laws, and wage my own battle beneath the bright heavens."

PS:

1. Neither the top nor the bottom is a good person! Almost everyone is a villain! Devoted 1v1, both have only ever been with each other!

2. There is a side couple, including a female-female romance!

3. Slow burn. The plot will take a while, and the romance develops slowly. The main couple gets a happy ending.

4. Some inspiration comes from In Search of the Supernatural, Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio, and The Classic of Mountains and Seas.

5. Kindergarten-level writing.

6. Everything in the story is fictional!! Don't apply it to real life! Stand firm in materialism!

7. If it's not for you, don't read it, don't read it!!! (╥ω╥`)

8. Every bit of foreshadowing will pay off! Relax and enjoy it as a bit of entertainment! There won't be any forgotten plot points or unresolved threads!

9. Please read for fun, and don't argue or insult anyone! (づ￣??￣)づ

Thank you to every sweet reader who opened this book!!! orz orz

Theme: Instead of praying to deities or sages, let each of us take a step forward and make the world a better place!