Princess Ishihara and His 13 Little Dwarfs

First of all! I'm a heartthrob. What's wrong with wanting to be awesome? (Green River smacks me around)

If all else fails, I'll sneak in a sandwich relationship (Green River beats me to death with a club)

Loosely crossover: Haikyu!! + Detective Conan + My Wife, Toji

Fujiwara Shu is a seemingly harmless little white flower on the outside, but in reality, he's a walking delinquent.

Fujiwara Shu thinks he's pulled off his persona perfectly. In fact, he hasn't.

He can eat five bowls of ramen and two desserts in one sitting, but in front of Bokuto, the 180 cm tall boy acts all delicate and cries softly: "I really can't eat any more. I can only eat half a loaf of bread each time, or my stomach hurts! I'm not like Akashi, who can eat an entire yakisoba sandwich by himself every time! He has the appetite of a giant! It feels like he'd eat us all! So scary, Kotaro! But if it were your giant baguette, Kotaro, I could swallow it without a problem!"

Bokuto: It takes Bokuto a month to realize, face bright red, that Shu wasn't complimenting his appetite.

Keiji Akaashi: Sorry to interrupt. Evil spirits, be gone. But my name is Akaashi.

Caught strangling someone with a tennis racket during a gang fight, Iwa-chan turns around and sees him rush into Oikawa's arms to accuse the other guy first: "You're not seriously going to believe that Godzilla, are you? A delinquent? Do I look like one of those idiots? (Said in a Kansai accent.) He even threatened to beat me up! So scary, boo-hoo! Only Toru can hit me!"

Toru: (Although he's a little scared) "That's right, only I can hit Shu (censored). Iwa-chan is so bossy!"

Iwa: "You two better behave, or I'll beat you both up. It's no trouble at all."

In his first year of high school, Fujiwara Shu was actually a pervert (not really). He sneaked into the Inarizaki locker room, intending to do something really, really bad and become a really, really bad person, but got caught by a certain Kita fox with a giant baguette fresh from the shower. He thought the whole thing would just blow over. Who could have guessed that a delinquent blond fox and a gray-haired fox would set their sights on Fujiwara Shu, ready to drag him back to their den, devour him, and peel off his skin and pick his bones?

Fujiwara Shu refuses to give in, even if it kills him: "I really do have an ex! He's a giant bird of prey! The kind that specializes in eating foxes!"

The two delinquent foxes look at each other, sensing trouble.

One Friday evening in 2011, in a tennis locker room, Fujiwara Shu is lifted up. His pants are pulled off, leaving him with only a thin shirt and nothing supporting him below. He is forced to lean his entire upper body against a certain blond fox's chest, his hands firmly locked behind his back by that same fox, while his legs can only cling tightly to the waist of a certain gray-haired fox in front of him. He's left dangling in the air.

The blond fox: "Hey, you idiot! Go easy!"

Fujiwara Shu is about to cry. All right, he really is crying. He's never been humiliated so badly in his life, especially not in a locker room. He yells, "Let go of me! I don't like this!"

The gray-haired fox doesn't answer. He just tightens his grip a little: What? He clearly likes it rougher.

All right, Fujiwara Shu really does like it rougher.

Just as Fujiwara Shu's eyes roll back and he thinks it's almost over, the blond fox behind him grabs him and says ominously, "Now tell me. When exactly are you breaking up?"

On the first night of the 2012 training camp at Fukurodani, all is quiet. In the corner of the gym, one of Fujiwara Shu's legs is draped over an owl's shoulder, while the other is wrapped around the waist of a certain giant bird of prey.

Fujiwara Shu: "Seriously, being tall is great. You can pick someone up and kiss them!" (Here, he points accusingly at Iwa-chan, who isn't even 180 cm.)

A certain big owl: "I want to snuggle."

Just as expected, they get caught watching. The childhood friends' group reaches a temporary truce.

On the second night of the Fukurodani training camp, the three of them squeeze onto a small mattress in the corner.

Fujiwara Shu looks down at the dark brown head resting on top of him, having quietly wriggled into his pajama top. His head is spinning, and he can't think straight. His loose pajama top has grown taut because a head that shouldn't be anywhere near his chest is under it. The blanket hides the brown-haired boy's mischief beneath his pajamas. Fujiwara Shu lowers his head slightly and meets Oikawa's gaze beneath the blanket. Oikawa sticks out the tip of his dark red tongue, while his free fingers move to pinch the thing on Fujiwara Shu's chest...

Fujiwara Shu tries to keep himself from letting out a muffled groan. Oikawa is being too much.

Just then, another hand reaches out from the bedding on the floor beside them and covers Fujiwara Shu's mouth just as he's about to moan. Before Fujiwara Shu can react, rough fingers, calloused from work, slip inside and grab that wandering...

Things don't end the way he wanted. For one reason or another, Fujiwara Shu is abandoned by the childhood friends' group.

Fujiwara Shu rushes headlong into things like a wild dog lunging for food. His plan of getting a tennis scholarship won't work, so he has to study on his own. In the end, he gets into the law department at the University of Tokyo. He can never play tennis again, but at least he achieves his dream!

Then he meets a blue-eyed, eyeliner-wearing kitten from the neighboring school. Oh no! He's fallen in love at first sight again! He wants to become a police officer, too!

Their relationship heats up quickly, and they agree to return to Nagano together to pay their respects to the blue-eyed cat's parents. They can also enjoy a private hot spring together.

The consequences of meeting the parents while they're still in the flirting stage.

Fujiwara Shu: "Wait, your brother is this handsome? And his baguettes are this impressive? Two of them? It's not like I haven't tried them before!"

Unfortunately, things don't go his way again. Fujiwara Shu is abandoned by the biological brothers' group.

Fujiwara Shu gets mad for a moment, then decides he's had enough. He's going to take back everything he's lost! Fueled by alcohol, he corners and teases Mazda.

Fujiwara Shu: "Hey! You know those coin-operated rocking horses outside Daiso? I'm really good at riding them. You know horseback riding? I'm really good at that, too." Spoken like a wild dog.

Damn it, he runs into his old high school volleyball teammates, who are out for a group dinner.

Fujiwara Shu: "Why aren't you people working? Why are you eating out all the time?"

Unfortunately, things go wrong again! This time, Fujiwara Shu gets dumped again. From now on, he will only drive Toyotas and swear off Mazdas. If he sees one, he'll smash it. Thanks.

The heavens are working against him, and nothing goes right. But in the end, one last straw breaks Fujiwara Shu.

He chooses to end his failed life in that vast empty shell of a building, setting it ablaze.

He can't play tennis well. He can't play volleyball well. Nobody needs him. He can't feel any worth in himself. Just before the flames rise, he sees a black shape writhing in the corner again.

Fujiwara Shu nearly forgot that he belongs to the Inari Shrine. Even in death, he can only be the bride of the Inari deity.

"God, I'm in so much pain. Please save me."

When he opens his eyes again, Fujiwara Shu falls in love at first sight yet again. That scar at the corner of his mouth is pretty sexy, but what is that ugly thing on his shoulder that looks like a turtle?

But in the end, Fujiwara Shu still withers away in Fushiguro Toji's arms.

Before he dies,

Fushiguro Toji asks him, "Why? Why did you always stay by my side, unwaveringly?"

Fujiwara Shu touches the scar at the corner of Fushiguro Toji's mouth. "Do you know why I exist?"

Fushiguro Toji shakes his head, but he can no longer say anything.

Fujiwara Shu forces a smile and says the last words of his life in this world: "It's all because some author on Green River made the male lead end up with Gin in the finale, while you only appeared in an IF route. My wife, Toji, I'm so angry."

A certain Tsukishima Kei: "Um, excuse me... what about my introduction?"

(Next time, for sure.)

Theme: I used to work in flowers, and now I'm half a respectable citizen