Raising Kids in the Sakamaki Household: Watch Your Step

The Sakamakis: the notorious "insane, sadistic" vampire family. They are moody, arrogant, and will stop at nothing to do evil. They're unbelievably obnoxious. At last, on this day, they welcomed a newborn, the kind that only came along once in several centuries: Sakamaki Moe. Huh? A kid? How annoying. Just thinking about it sounds like a huge hassle! And yet, for some reason, their usually lazy, couch-potato selves were forced to spring into action; the extreme germaphobe learned to put up with mess; the illiterate triplets had to buckle down and study; and the demolition crew's top guy learned to control his temper... Just as the Sakamakis had finally gotten used to all the chaos the child brought, she suddenly went missing. Damn it, who stole our kid?! Their suspects included the kid's dad's former love rival, the Mukamis; the Tsukinami family, freshly released from prison; Kino, who claimed to be an illegitimate Sakamaki; and a certain strongest member of the Gojo clan, their divine child... Heh heh, there's only one truth! ...Can't be bothered to investigate. Just you wait. I'll burn down all your houses one by one! Give me back my kid! Mukami: Who said that? She's obviously our kid! Folks on the internet, here's what happened: when she was born, our kid accidentally got registered under someone else's household. How do we transfer her name back to ours? Tsukinami: I'm the only real parent here! I dared to claim I was the kid's parent even with all those people ahead of me making bold claims. Isn't that proof enough? A certain Gojo divine child: I'm Cupid, and the one I'm linking with is Moe! At that, the Sakamakis, Mukamis, and Tsukinamis united once more: Childhood friends, my foot. He really thinks he's something, huh? Vote him out first! Sakamaki Child-Rearing Rule No. 108: Watch out, the floor is slippery! If you want to keep your vampire dignity, that is. Of course, maybe one day you'll willingly slip and fall. Watch your step, but be even more careful with love. -- From the little one's perspective: Hello, my name is Sakamaki Moe, and I'm a third-generation rich kid. I have a happy family, loving parents, and uncles who are all handsome, even if there's something wrong with every one of their brains. I've lived in a gigantic, luxurious castle since I was little. Every day, I wake up in an 80-square-meter bed, and 180 familiars take care of all my needs... Sigh. Anyway, that's just how we rich vampires live: simple, unpretentious, and low-key. -- Reading tips: 1. Mainly based on Diabolik Lovers, with my own take on the Sakamakis and an enormous pile of headcanons. Also features Ouran High School Host Club, exorcising curses, and the Little Reaper. A lighthearted daily-life comedy from birth, to school, to the kid's teenage romances. I hope it makes for a happy reading experience! 2. Paragraph comments are open. Just bookmark the story. 3. Coming soon: original work, Strange Tales of Lantern Peach Town When He Xiangu was traveling, she lost a peach lantern. When it fell into the human world, it became Lantern Peach Town. In the spring of the new millennium, Grandma moved to Lantern Peach Town with Guantao. In this little town, where streams babble, Guantao made lots of friends. Then, on one quiet night, she and her friends quietly saved the world. Theme: Love is the cure for life's ills