After the Dynasties Watched Me Scroll on My Phone

After Cheng Sijin clicked on 999 sponsored posts, a feature called [Dynasty-Wide Feed] automatically linked itself to her phone.

She swiped up, and a new video began playing, broadcast to countless parallel worlds and displayed on the sky screen above.

[Women, they always love so deeply, always get caught up in love.]

As a soulful female voice sang, two broad-shouldered, slim-waisted men in black and white shirts danced on the sky screen.

Across the dynasties: How utterly disgraceful!

[My charming ancestor, the First Emperor of Qin, Ying Zheng! He unified the six kingdoms, standardized writing and measurements... He just wanted one pill of immortality. Give it to him!]

Ying Zheng: Unifying the six kingdoms? Fantastic, fantastic, fantastic!

Liu Che: Why am I not in this?

Li Shimin: So it seems later generations admire the First Emperor of Qin most?

[When the intro starts, the ancestors appear! First up, the Ming Dynasty's ominous tune. When the funeral march plays, I know someone's kicked the bucket again. Second, the song reserved for Emperor Wu of Han. From then on, every river and every sunlit land became Han territory!]

Zhu Yuanzhang: What do you mean, a funeral? And someone's dead again?

Liu Che flung his sleeves and declared with great confidence: This is me! This is the Han Dynasty!

*

But the sky screen did not appear all the time, and its content was always bizarre. The dynasties began to consider using sacrificial rites to summon it.

That night, after Cheng Sijin fell fast asleep, she saw a group of people from ancient times practicing martial arts in her dream.

To the grand, stately music of the imperial court, a young general clad in armor twirled his spear with tremendous force.

He said his name was Huo Qubing.

Early the next morning, Cheng Sijin searched for Huo Qubing on her phone.

[Champion Marquis Huo Qubing achieved the highest military honors of ancient times at just twenty-one. He watered his horses in the vast northern sea and raised a memorial mound on Mount Langjuxu...]

Liu Che roared with laughter. The sky screen really does love watching people dance! This sacrifice works!

*

These days, whenever Cheng Sijin closes her eyes, all kinds of ancestors appear in her dreams and dance.

And their dancing gets bolder every time.

Cheng Sijin has no choice but to hug her phone and shout, "I'm never watching suggestive videos again!"

Theme: Be the best version of yourself.