Xi Men Song, a rogue from Fuping County who liked men, fled his debts to the capital and met the legendary Ninth Prince, Zhu Xiujin.
He became so lovesick he couldn't sleep, and wrote a lewd poem:
"I dream of holding my darling as his clothes come off,
His fragrant tongue and pearly teeth as sweet as honey,
My golden needle pricks the flower three thousand times,
What does it matter if I die?"
"Death? No need for that." Zhu Xiujin curled his lips. "If you can find the relief funds for the severe drought in Jinan, I'll let you see me undress."
…
"There's a flood in Jianghuai. If you can build the flood barriers, I'll let you find out if I'm as sweet as honey."
…
"Houjin has invaded. If you can produce thirty million taels in military funds, you'll get all three thousand."
…
With a stubborn donkey lured by a carrot, the rogue eventually became a wealthy merchant of great renown.
He sailed west across the seas, crossed deserts, and opened trade with neighboring nations. The silver he earned fed disaster victims and fattened the finest horses on the frontier. Then he eagerly climbed into bed with the Ninth Prince, no, the Emperor...
"Holy crap! Wait, wait! You said..."
"Rest assured, my dear minister. You'll get all three thousand, not one less!"
A beautiful emperor who embodies the royal family's finest features, pretends to be a fool to catch a tiger, spars wits with civil and military officials, is a slightly bloodthirsty but henpecked wise ruler gong × a clever, lively, worldly, cunning merchant shou who makes a way through every mountain and builds a bridge over every river, a human calculator and master money-maker
1. Set in an alternate Ming dynasty, but I'll try to keep it close to history. Don't read this if you can't tolerate historical inaccuracies.
2. If you're particular about sexual purity, character types, or specific content warnings, this isn't for you. Angst and melodrama are my thing.
Theme: Though thousands stand in my way, I will go forth!
