I'm Here to Ruin Your Feng Shui!

[This story will be serialized exclusively starting October 4. Next up: This Family Will Fall Apart Without Its Little Cat!]

Lili is a little sparrow. To pass on his lineage, he has to build a nest of his own!

Otherwise, no female bird will choose him as a mate, much less lay eggs for him.

But while Lili is working hard on his nest, a decorative trinket he accidentally picked up sets his home ablaze.

As his nearly completed nest goes up in roaring flames,

Lili sheds the first bird tear of his life.

Winter is coming. Without a nest to shelter him, Lili might not make it through.

The little bird's mind races, and he seems to figure out who started the fire!

But there is a huge difference between human and bird, and Lili is no match for him.

So he decides to smash himself against the glass in front of the man's house and ruin his feng shui!

^

When Chen Fuzhou wakes up, he finds a little sparrow lying in front of his balcony door, apparently unconscious, its tiny legs twitching.

The man bends down to look at the little sparrow, limp as a puddle and exuding a foolish air. "Is it trying to scam me?"

"Is it dead?"

Just then, the dying little sparrow lets out a sudden "Cheep."

A pitiful, pleading bird's voice rings in Chen Fuzhou's ear.

"Saving a bird's life is worth building a seven-story pagoda! You burned down my home, so if you don't save me, I'll die here and ruin your feng shui!"

Chirping away, making no sense at all.

He jumps back in fright, and the racket in his ear only gets louder.

Am I seeing things? Sparrows can talk?

Have I played games on stream all night and gone crazy?

The next day, a second-tier streamer posts a plea for help online: How do you raise a tiny-looking sparrow? Do I feed it bugs?

Chat: You filthy troll, did you get a bird?

Chen Fuzhou glances at the sparrow beside his mouse, with its broken leg from crashing into him, and hums. "A cripple."

At that, Lili, who had been looking listless, immediately flies into a rage and limps toward him.

The strange bird language rings in his ear again: "You're the cripple! Your whole family is crippled!"

Psychiatry Department, hospital.

The doctor says, "You can stop the medication for a while. Have you had trouble falling asleep lately?"

Chen Fuzhou says something shocking. "I can hear birds talking. Is that schizophrenia or what?"

"..." The doctor knits his brows and says earnestly, "You should keep taking the medication for a while longer. I'll prescribe something new, too."

"I'm not sick!"

The doctor thinks: And he says he's not sick. He's already having auditory hallucinations.

Mini-scene 1:

Lili boasts, "In my previous life, I was a gigantic red bird. I was so majestic!"

Chen Fuzhou says flatly, "That's a phoenix."

Lili nods enthusiastically, saying he is indeed a phoenix. Then he laments, "In this life, I've been cursed. I was once a divine bird with wings that looked as if they were studded with jewels and stars, a long trailing tail, and the ability to fan it out whenever I was in a good mood. But now I've become an ordinary sparrow."

As he speaks, he puts on a sorrowful expression, wipes his eyes with a wing feather, and says mournfully, "It's unbearable!"

Chen Fuzhou's mouth twitches. "That's a peacock."

Lili bobs his head excitedly like a pecking chick. "Right, right! I'm a peacock!"

Chen Fuzhou rubs his forehead and smiles helplessly. "You're just a little sparrow whose suicide attempt failed."

"No! I'm a divine bird!"

"You're an ordinary citizen."

"I'm a divine bird!"

"Your owner is an ordinary citizen, so you are too."

Reading Guide: A silly, sweet little story, just the two of them, both inexperienced! The shou will turn into a human. The gong is a gaming streamer who is terrible at every game he plays, and he has a sleep disorder.

Important clarification: The little sparrow's nest was not burned down by the gong!!! It wasn't!

*

Blurb for the upcoming This Family Will Fall Apart Without Its Little Cat!:

Lu Shengchi has recently noticed that Lele, usually lazy and good-for-nothing, has suddenly started wandering all around the house. His round body is impossible to miss.

One day, an orange cat strolls past his feet, with two plump, big cherries dangling beneath its tail, as if trying to catch his eye.

Lele: "Look at me, Master!" He rolls over.

Lu Shengchi: A giant egg-shaped orange cat?

Lele lies on Lu Shengchi.

But the other man's hand mischievously reaches for his tail.

He gives the two plump, round cherries a naughty squeeze.

Lele's whole body tenses, and he nearly passes out from pleasure.

Spring arrives, all things come back to life, and Lele's happy days are about to begin.

He yowls at two every morning but fails to find a mate.

For a household without a female cat, the arrival of spring doesn't mean anything.

So Lu Shengchi has to spend half an hour patting Lele's butt before bed every night.

*

On the day he is about to turn human, Lele makes thorough preparations and deliberately chooses a day when his master is out.

Lele lies on the bed, on the verge of becoming human.

Suddenly, a plume of smoke drifts in, and Lele's eyes fly open.

"Aaaaaah! Master! The house is on fire!!"

Wait, Lele is confused. How can he talk?

"Aaaaaah! Master! I've turned human!"

Lele rushes out of the bedroom and sees flames coming from the microwave in the kitchen. Copying his master, he scoops up a ladle of water from the toilet and pours it on the fire.

This family will fall apart without its little cat!

Lu Shengchi comes home late from work and smells something burnt. The living room is a mess. Damn it, the house is on fire!

Where's Lele?!!

He pushes open the bedroom door and freezes. Standing there is an absurdly beautiful man wearing his shirt, with a pair of bare legs dangling below it.

When Lele sees him, his eyes light up. "Master! You're home!"

Lu Shengchi: "Who the hell are you? Where's my giant egg-shaped orange cat?!!"

"Where's my cat!!"

Theme: Protect the environment!